Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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The usage of social media has increased recently. Throughout the world, online platforms are highly chosen to connect with people and gather information of current affairs. In this essay, I will argue the benefits of social platforms offset the drawbacks entailed by numerous information, as long distances relationships can be maintained and instant updates can be obtained.

One commonly cited disadvantage of using social media is it allow individual to constantly checking thier phones. This is because new informations cosistently shared in social network, which causes individuals to consistently check their phones. Instagram, for example, has a wide range of new information that are intriguing to watch, and enages people to spend more time on it. Clearly, this bomborment of information keep them fully occupied with their phones.

Despite this, there are a number of advantages associated with using social platform. First of all, individuals can maintain long distant relationships from where they live. A student living aborad, for instance, can keep in touch with their families and friends through social media and share updated safely. Furthremore, online platforms provide immediate updates of current affairs, and keep individuals informed. As traditional new channels and advertisments take time to reach audience; however, social networks provide a wide range of information in a minute. This allows people to select specific updated they want and keep informed rather than learning about numerous information. Thus, social meadia provide immediate informations and keep in touch with their loved ones.

In conclusion, although online platform bombored people’s phone with every new information, it is clear that it helps them to be in contact with people who live in long distance, and also allow them to get selected updateds to keep informed.

Word Count: 285

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

social: 8

information: 7

people: 4

their: 4

media: 3

online: 3

platforms: 3

individuals: 3

provide: 3

informed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position that advantages outweigh disadvantages. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but there are some lapses in clarity and precision. To improve, focus on developing ideas more fully, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and using more precise vocabulary. Additionally, avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear references. For example, the first body paragraph introduces a disadvantage but the connection to the main argument is not smooth. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'Furthremore' is used but not correctly spelled, and the transition from the disadvantage to the advantages could be smoother). To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly supports the thesis. Also, avoid abrupt shifts between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'social platforms', 'current affairs', 'long distant relationships', 'instant updates'). However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'thier', 'informations', 'cosistently', 'bomborment', 'aborad', 'Furthremore', 'updateds', 'meadia') and some word choices are not precise (e.g., 'bombored' instead of 'bombarded', 'enages' instead of 'engages'). The range of vocabulary is limited, and there is repetition of certain words like 'information' and 'social media'. To improve, expand your vocabulary and use synonyms, and pay attention to correct spelling and word forms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'it allow', 'information cosistently shared' should be 'information is consistently shared'), incorrect use of articles (e.g., 'a student living aborad' should be 'a student living abroad'), and errors in pluralization (e.g., 'informations' should be 'information', 'updateds' should be 'updates'). Sentence structures are often simple and repetitive, and there are run-on sentences. To improve, focus on grammar basics, such as subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and plural forms. Also, vary your sentence structures to include complex sentences, and proofread your work to catch these errors.

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