Bar Chart

Band 7+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image displays a bar chart with three sets of data for IBM, Microsoft, and Apple representing the percentage of men in senior development positions from 1980 to 2010 at five-year intervals. For IBM: 1980 - 30%, 1985 - 20%, 1990 - 37%, 1995 - 47%, 2000 - 49%, 2010 - 25%. For Microsoft: 1980 - 17%, 1985 - 17%, 1990 - 25%, 1995 - 20%, 2000 - 51%, 2010 - 53%. Apple: 1980 - 32%, 1985 - 40%, 1990 - 18%, 1995 - 20%, 2000 - 12%, 2010 - 60%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart presents the proportion of men employed in senior development positions at IBM, Microsoft and Apple from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, IBM experienced the most dramatic growth in male participation, rising from the lowest percentage in 1980 to the highest of 2010. Apple, on the other hand, showed considerable fluctuations throughout the period, while Microsoft maintained a steady, moderate upward trend.

In 1980, IBM recorded the smallest share of men in senior roles, at just above 2%. However, the figure grew consistently over the next three decades, reaching over 60% in 2010. This made IBM the company with the highest proportion of male representation by the end of the period.

By contrast, Apple began with a relatively high figure of around 20% in 1980, as percentage fluctuated over the years, oscillating between 15% and 25%, before ending at roughly the same level in 2010. Unlike IBM, Apple did not show any long-term upward trend. However, Microsofts figures lay between those of IBM and Apple. Starting at below 10% in 1980, male participation in senior development positions increased gradually, reaching just over 40% in 2010.

Word Count: 186

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

apple: 5

senior: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to describe the main trends and features of the bar chart, but it contains significant inaccuracies and misinterpretations of the data. The description of the data is not always accurate, and there are some omissions. To improve, ensure that the data cited is accurate and that all key features of the graph are mentioned.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally coherent, with a clear introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, the organization could be improved. The overview mentions IBM's dramatic growth and Apple's fluctuations, but the subsequent paragraphs don't fully align with this structure. For instance, the third paragraph focuses on IBM's growth, but the fourth paragraph discusses Apple's fluctuations and then abruptly transitions to Microsoft. Try to maintain a more consistent flow by grouping information based on the trends or companies being discussed. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, using terms like 'proportion,' 'fluctuations,' 'oscillating,' and 'upward trend.' However, there's room for improvement in using more precise and varied language to describe the data. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'percentage' or 'figure,' consider synonyms like 'proportion,' 'share,' or 'representation.' Also, try to incorporate more specific vocabulary related to trends, such as 'peaked,' 'plateaued,' or 'declined sharply.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, with mostly correct sentence structures and punctuation. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For example, 'IBM experienced the most dramatic growth in male participation, rising from the lowest percentage in 1980 to the highest of 2010' is not accurate based on the visual description. Also, the sentence 'By contrast, Apple began with a relatively high figure of around 20% in 1980, as percentage fluctuated over the years, oscillating between 15% and 25%, before ending at roughly the same level in 2010' could be rephrased for better clarity and conciseness. Proofread carefully to identify and correct these errors.

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