Bar Chart

Band 4+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image displays a bar chart with three sets of data for IBM, Microsoft, and Apple representing the percentage of men in senior development positions from 1980 to 2010 at five-year intervals. For IBM: 1980 - 30%, 1985 - 20%, 1990 - 37%, 1995 - 47%, 2000 - 49%, 2010 - 25%. For Microsoft: 1980 - 17%, 1985 - 17%, 1990 - 25%, 1995 - 20%, 2000 - 51%, 2010 - 53%. Apple: 1980 - 32%, 1985 - 40%, 1990 - 18%, 1995 - 20%, 2000 - 12%, 2010 - 60%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart presents the proportion of men who took part in senior development in three departments from 1980 to 2010.

overall, at faste lite of men waking in 18m stackel with a least numbers in 1980 Sean there it but then it increased Iramatically. While Apple experienced fluctuation in por percentage keeping microsoft af middle

In 1980 18M stirtel unth anly about 23 portic park bed from there it escalated over bor in those few decades, whereas Apple tend to start at a quito quit high rate of bouw 207, and then oscillatel over the yo your’s before deping at around 2001-

However, in between to IBM and Apple microsoft was the one who’s pofticipation was in contre started stathing below 10x in 1980, and It remained low it 2000 in 2000, slightly deczemal from Apple agency whod over lox, before these teatre teaching about 437. in 2010.

Word Count: 149

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

apple: 4

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Task Response

The report attempts to describe the bar chart but contains significant inaccuracies and a lack of clarity. The writing is difficult to understand due to grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. The response needs to accurately represent the data and improve the overall coherence and language quality. Focus on providing specific data points and trends for each company, and ensure the language is clear and grammatically correct. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and logical flow. The information is not presented in a coherent manner, making it difficult to follow the trends and comparisons between the companies. Paragraphing is weak, and transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt. Consider organizing the report by company or by time period to improve clarity. Use cohesive devices such as conjunctions and reference words to link ideas and sentences together.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inaccurate. There are instances of incorrect word choice and imprecise language. For example, 'faste lite of men waking in 18m stackel' and 'oscillatel over the yo your's' are unclear and demonstrate a lack of control over vocabulary. Expand your vocabulary related to describing trends and data, and ensure accurate usage of words. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to find more precise and appropriate terms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and errors in punctuation. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. For example, 'In 1980 18M stirtel unth anly about 23 portic park bed from there it escalated over bor in those few decades' is grammatically incorrect and difficult to understand. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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