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Band 6+: Percantage of the population living in cities bla bla lbla bla bla

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The image shows a line graph titled "Percentage of the population living in cities" with four countries (Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia) represented. The x-axis displays years in increments of ten from 1950 to 2050, and the y-axis shows the percentage of the urban population ranging from 0 to 100%. In 1950, Philippines starts at approximately 27%, Thailand at 10%, Malaysia at 25%, and Indonesia at 12%. By 1990, Philippines reaches 50%, Thailand 25%, Malaysia 45%, and Indonesia 30%. The graph projects that by 2030, Philippines will reach nearly 75%, Thailand 60%, Malaysia 75%, and Indonesia 55%. By 2050, Philippines approaches 90%, Thailand 80%, Malaysia almost 90%, and Indonesia around 75%. Each country's line shows a consistent upward trend over the 100-year period.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line chart represents and forecasts the proportion of people living in cities across four different countries namely the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia from 1970 until 2040.

Overall, it is observed that the number of people migrating to cities has increased, and is forecasted to increase anually across all four nations, with Philippines being the only exception with slight trough in the decade 2000 to 2010.

Malaysian cities inhabited 30% of its citizens which dramatically rose to around 75% in 2020 and is expected to reach 80% by 2040. Malaysia witnessed the highest number of migrants year-on-year, as compared to the other nations, and it is estimated that this trend continues. Indonesia followed a similar trend wherein 60% of its population is expected to live in cities by 2040, climbing up from approximately 13% in 1970 and currently being hosting 55% people in cities.

Thailand and Philippines have shown a fluctuating trend until now. Philippines, more than Thailand since it witnessed a rise of around 20% in the 80’s slowly experiencing a decline of 10% over the next 2 decades. Both these countries are forecasted to have 50% of its population living in cities by 2040.

Word Count: 197

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

cities: 5

philippines: 4

people: 3

trend: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task, presenting the main trends and providing some specific data. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For example, the Philippines did not experience a trough from 2000 to 2010. Also, the report could benefit from more precise data references and a clearer distinction between past trends and future predictions. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and ensuring a balanced coverage of all key features.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. The introduction and overall statement are clear, but the body paragraphs sometimes lack clear transitions between countries and time periods. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect or comparison, and use transition words to guide the reader. For example, when shifting from discussing Malaysia to Indonesia, a phrase like 'Similarly, Indonesia...' would enhance cohesion. Also, avoid abrupt changes in focus within a paragraph.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are opportunities to enhance lexical precision and variety. Terms like 'migrating to cities' and 'number of migrants' are generally appropriate, but consider using more specific alternatives such as 'urbanization' or 'urban population growth' to demonstrate a more sophisticated command of vocabulary. Additionally, vary your word choices to describe trends; instead of repeatedly using 'increased,' incorporate synonyms like 'grew,' 'expanded,' or 'escalated.' This will make the writing more engaging and demonstrate a broader lexical range.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and phrasing issues impact the clarity and accuracy of the writing. For example, the sentence 'Malaysian cities inhabited 30% of its citizens which dramatically rose to around 75% in 2020 and is expected to reach 80% by 2040' contains awkward phrasing and could be restructured for better clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and appropriate use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading carefully and seeking feedback on grammar can help improve accuracy.

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