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Band 5+: The charts below give information about workplace injuries in one country in 2018.

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The image details workplace injury percentages across age groups in four industries for Country A in 2018: Education and Health shows 15-24 years at 5%, 25-34 years at 10%, 35-49 years at 30%, 50+ years at 40%; Leisure and Hospitality displays 15-24 years at 24%, 25-34 years at 35%, 35-49 years at 20%, 50+ years at 30%; Manufacturing indicates 15-24 years at 35%, 25-34 years at 25%, 35-49 years at 30%, 50+ years at 15%; Mining and Construction outlines 15-24 years at 20%, 25-34 years at 10%, 35-49 years at 20%, and 50+ years at 30%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar graph illustrates the percentage of yearly workplace injuries that are happened in 4 distinct industries in various age groups in 2018.

Overall, the 50+ age group had the highest injuries during working in education and health and leisure and hospitality industries. Moreover, the younger aged 15-24 had the lowest workplace injuries in manufacturing and leisure and hospitality sectors.

To begin with, elder people aged 50+ had got the highest physical injuries in education and health and leisure and hospitality industries, at 40% and approximately 38% respectively. Also, they got 35% injuries in mining and construction and 25% in manufacturing industries. However, the 15-24 age group got the most injuries in mining and construction same as people aged 50+ had in education and health. They got 30% injuries in education and health sectors, and below to 15% in other two businesses.

On the hand, 35-49 year-olds had the most injuries in manufacturing industry. Following this, they had 30% and nearly 10% injuries in leisure and hospitality and mining and construction respectively. The 25-34 age group got the lowest injuries nearly 5%. Apart from this, the people aged 25-34 and 35 49 had similar percentage of physical injuries in manufacturing and education and health respectively.

Word Count: 205

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

injuries: 11

education: 5

health: 5

industries: 4

leisure: 4

hospitality: 4

manufacturing: 4

group: 3

people: 3

respectively: 3

mining: 3

construction: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main trends and features of the data, but there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For instance, the 15-24 age group had the most injuries in the manufacturing industry, not mining and construction. Also, the report could benefit from more precise data referencing and a clearer structure. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and ensuring all key information is included.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an attempt to organize the information, but the structure could be improved for better clarity. The overall summary is present, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions, making it harder to follow the comparisons between age groups and industries. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, using phrases like 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' or 'However' can help to guide the reader through the data. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus, such as a specific age group or industry, to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate but could be more precise and varied. There are instances of repetitive language (e.g., 'got injuries'). Try to use synonyms and a wider range of vocabulary to describe the data more effectively. For example, instead of 'got injuries,' consider using 'sustained injuries,' 'experienced a higher incidence of injuries,' or 'accounted for a significant proportion of injuries.' Also, be careful with approximations; 'approximately 38%' is not accurate based on the visual description. Strive for more precise language when describing the data.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'injuries that are happened' should be 'injuries that happened' or 'injuries that occurred.' Also, the sentence structure can be improved for better flow and accuracy. For instance, 'the younger aged 15-24 had the lowest workplace injuries in manufacturing and leisure and hospitality sectors' could be rephrased as 'the 15-24 age group experienced the lowest incidence of workplace injuries in the manufacturing and leisure and hospitality sectors.' Pay close attention to verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage to enhance grammatical accuracy.

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