Opinion

Band 5+: Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities

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local businesses are being driven out of the industry because of the exceeding growth of supermarket chains all around the country. These local businesses are essential in supporting local communities. With supermarkets in picture, the need for local businesses is declining which could result in local communities being wiped out. In contrast, supermarkets provide a number of opportunities to both consumers and workers which could help the local community to grow. Below arguments for and against supermarkets is provided along with conclusion.

Supermarkets buy goods from companies in bulk to sell in their retail chains. In doing so they are provided with bulk buying discounts. They pass on these lower cost to consumers in the form of low prices. Their charges are lower than that of local businesses resulting in the preference of consumers being shifted towards supermarkets. Local businesses provide livelihood to the community. With local businesses suffering, local communities indirectly suffers too. These businesses either shut down resulting in poverty or move out of the town to look for other source of finance resulting in unemployment. Both poverty and unemployment create distress in local communities. My friend was made redundant by a local business after the development of a supermarket in town.

On the other hand, Supermarkets provide a lot of advantages to both consumers and employees. Supermarkets offer variety which local businesses fail to do. Customers prefer variety as their living standards increase. For example if you go to a supermarket, you will find peanut butter from different brands in comparison to local businesses providing only one type of peanut butter. Supermarkets increase employment as jobs increase with their development. Therefore, supermarkets rejuvenate the local community affecting the life of thousands.

Considering all the views stated above, i do believe, supermarkets lead to the closure of local businesses. In addition to this, supermarkets also exploit workers by offering them low wages. To prevent this from occuring, we need laws that support local businesses and prevent supermarkets from becoming a monopoly. This can result in local businesses and supermarkets supporting each other and existing in collusion rather than competition. This will cause incomes to grow, reduce poverty and increase employment and thus supporting local community.

Word Count: 367

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

local: 19

businesses: 12

supermarkets: 12

communities: 4

consumers: 4

community: 4

their: 4

increase: 4

being: 3

supermarket: 3

these: 3

supporting: 3

which: 3

provide: 3

resulting: 3

poverty: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. You have explored both the negative impact of supermarkets on local businesses and the potential benefits they bring to the community. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as the comparison of product variety and the mention of bulk buying. However, the development of ideas could be more precise. For instance, the transition between the economic benefits of supermarkets and the 'death of local communities' could be more tightly linked to ensure the argument remains focused on the social fabric of the community rather than just economic mechanics. To improve, try to deepen the analysis of *how* the loss of a shop specifically leads to the 'death' of a community (e.g., loss of social hubs, reduced social cohesion) rather than just focusing on unemployment. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion directly reinforces your stance on the 'extent' to which you agree or disagree, as the prompt asks for a specific degree of agreement.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas can be improved. The introduction contains a 'roadmap' sentence ('Below arguments for and against... is provided') which is considered somewhat mechanical and less sophisticated in academic writing. Instead, try to integrate your thesis statement and outline more naturally. Additionally, some transitions between sentences are abrupt. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Consequently,' 'Furthermore,' 'Conversely') would help the ideas flow more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and allows the reader to understand the main points. However, there is a reliance on basic word choices and some repetitive phrasing (e.g., 'local businesses' and 'local communities' are used very frequently). To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise synonyms and collocations. For instance, instead of 'wiped out,' you might use 'eroded' or 'undermined'; instead of 'a lot of advantages,' you could use 'a multitude of benefits' or 'significant advantages'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical issues that affect the overall polish of the essay. These include subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'local communities indirectly suffers' should be 'suffer'), issues with article usage, and some awkward phrasing. There are also minor errors in capitalization (e.g., 'i do believe' should be 'I do believe'). While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents a higher score. Focus on practicing complex sentence structures and ensuring that singular/plural agreement is consistent throughout your writing.

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