Discussion

Band 4+: Some say that for any country hosting an international sports event such as the Olympic Games is costly, inefficient and is a waste of money, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many people argued, that events like sports playing in internationals level such as Olympics are just waste of money for those who attend these events while others believes that these events bring a massive growth in economy of a nation. To my way of thinking, it play a vital role in economic system of a country.

To begin with, sports events such as the Olympics plays a crucial role in the economic status of a country and from my ppoint of view, There are many advantages than disadvantages. Consider if I give an example of this i will chose France. I myself go there for Olympic games and I remembered at that time I payed around 2000 dollars to attend the game. In short I observed that there are thousands of people so by collect their money it play a huge role to build the economey of france.

On the other hand, it is not only limited to build financial system of the country but there numerous benefits of spending money on Olympics. The first advantage is it allows a tourist to explore the country like their traditions, culture, food and vice versa which make a person social. In additions, spending money on international sports lead a person to refreshment site which play a great role in mental peace. So I think spending money on international sport is not a wastage of money because I believe it puts a person a source of communication which is very beneficial for a person.

In conclusion, spending money on Olympics makes strong the ecomemy of country and are many advantages than disadvantages.

Word Count: 269

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

money: 7

events: 4

olympics: 4

country: 4

there: 4

spending: 4

sports: 3

which: 3

person: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. While you discuss both the economic aspect and social benefits, the arguments are somewhat simplistic and rely heavily on personal anecdotes rather than broader, more generalized reasoning. To improve, you should aim to expand on your points by explaining *how* and *why* these benefits occur (e.g., explaining how infrastructure development or global media exposure contributes to the economy). Additionally, ensure you address the 'waste of money' side of the argument more thoroughly to fully satisfy the 'discuss both views' requirement. Strengthening the logical connection between your examples and your main arguments will also help improve the overall quality of the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by awkward phrasing and repetitive sentence structures. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In contrast') and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that is logically expanded upon. The transition between personal anecdotes and general arguments needs to be smoother to maintain a formal academic tone.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and often repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'money', 'person', and 'play a role'). There are also several instances of incorrect word choices and spelling errors (e.g., 'ppoint', 'payed', 'ecomemy', 'wastage'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise academic synonyms. For example, instead of 'build the economy', you could use 'stimulate economic growth'; instead of 'waste of money', you could use 'unjustifiable expenditure'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'others believes', 'it play'), tense consistency, and sentence construction. Many sentences are fragmented or run-on. I recommend practicing basic sentence structures, focusing on correct verb conjugations, and learning how to use complex sentences (using subordinating conjunctions like 'although', 'because', or 'while') to express more sophisticated ideas.

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