Bar Chart

Band 6+: Students who own a smartphone at Redwood School, by gender, 2012 to 2019

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The image shows the number of students by gender who own a smartphone at Redwood School from 2012 to 2019: In 2012, boys 150, girls 100; 2013, boys 175, girls 174; 2014, boys 200, girls 200; 2015, boys 225, girls 250; 2016, boys 275, girls 300; 2017, boys 300, girls 325; 2018, boys 325, girls 325; 2019, boys 330, girls 325.

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The bar chart below illustrates how many boys and girls own a smartphone at Redwood School over a 7-year timeframe starting from 2012.

Overall, it is evident that both genders saw an upward trend throughout the time period. One interesting point is that the number of boys mostly outnumbered the girl’s figure.

According to the chart, the proportion of boys who had a smartphone was just above 100 initially which rose gradually until 2016. After that, they remained stable for the rest of the period and ended up at just above 300 marks, almost trebled as compared to the beginning.

In contrast, the opposite gender shows a 6 times growth and jumps into nearly 300 number within 3 years. But this was followed by a levelling off at the very next year. Then it started to fluctuate mildly and ended up at well above 300 marks by surpassing the boy’s number.

Word Count: 151

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 3

above: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and provides an overall trend, but it contains several inaccuracies and omissions. The initial values for boys and girls are incorrectly described ('just above 100' and '6 times growth'), and the trends are not accurately represented (e.g., boys did not remain stable after 2016, and girls did not fluctuate mildly). The report also omits specific data points and misstates the final comparison. To improve, ensure that all key data is accurately reported and that the description of trends matches the visual information. Focus on presenting a clear, accurate summary of the main features and comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction, overview, and two body paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear, especially in the second body paragraph where the timeline is not clearly indicated (e.g., 'within 3 years' and 'the very next year' are vague). The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. To improve, use clearer time references and logical connectors to guide the reader through the trends.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some good attempts at paraphrasing (e.g., 'upward trend', 'levelling off', 'fluctuate mildly'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'the proportion of boys' (should be 'the number of boys'), 'just above 100 initially' (could be more precise), and 'almost trebled as compared to the beginning' (wordy). To improve, use more precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid informal or vague expressions like 'jumps into'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, 'the girl's figure' should be 'the girls' figure', 'shows a 6 times growth' should be 'shows a sixfold increase', and 'by surpassing the boy's number' should be 'surpassing the boys' number'. There are also missing commas and some run-on sentences. To improve, proofread carefully and ensure subject-verb agreement and correct use of possessive forms.

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