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Band 5+: Japanese tourists travelling abroad and Australia's shared of Japan's tourist market

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The image displays two graphs: the upper graph shows "Japanese tourists travelling abroad" with numerical values (millions) from 1985 to 1995; 1985: 5, 1986: 5.2, 1987: 6.1, 1988: 6.5, 1989: 8.4, 1990: 9.4, 1991: 10.5, 1992: 11.6, 1993: 11, 1994: 13.5, 1995: 15.3; the lower graph illustrates "Australia's share of Japan's tourist market" with percentage values from 1985 to 1995; 1985: 2%, 1986: 2.5%, 1987: 3%, 1988: 4.5%, 1989: 5.5%, 1990: 6%, 1991: 5%, 1992: 5.5%, 1993: 6%, 1994: 6.8%, 1995: 7%.

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The bar chart provides information about the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad from 1985 to 1995 while the line graph illustrates the number of these tourists who coming to Australia.

Overall, the total number of Japanese travellers experienced a upward trend throughout the decade. Similarly, Australia’s share of Japan’s tourist market fluctuated throughout the given period.

In 1985, approximately five people traveled abroad. This figure grew sharply year by year and reached roughly 11 million in the year 1995. There was a minor dip in the year 1991, however at the end of the given period in 1995 this figure experienced a sharp increase.

When it comes to Australia’s market share ,in the year 1975 took up the 2% of the Japanese tourist market. In the year 1994 it was accounted for the largest segment of total. After rising dramatically from 1985 to 1989, the figure feel slightly.

Word Count: 149

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 3

japanese: 3

market: 3

figure: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the task by describing the two graphs and identifying overall trends. However, there are several inaccuracies and omissions. For example, the report states 'approximately five people traveled abroad' instead of '5 million', and mentions 'the year 1975' which is not in the data. The description of the lower graph is incomplete and contains errors (e.g., 'feel slightly' instead of 'fell slightly'). The report could be improved by using correct units, avoiding irrelevant years, and providing a more accurate and complete summary of the data. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction and an overview paragraph. However, the paragraphing could be improved. The second paragraph mixes the overall trend for both graphs, which is acceptable, but the third and fourth paragraphs are not well-organized. The third paragraph discusses the first graph but contains a minor data inaccuracy (mentioning 1995 as the end point while the data goes to 1995, but the description of the trend is somewhat confusing). The fourth paragraph attempts to discuss the second graph but starts with an incorrect year (1975 instead of 1985) and lacks a clear logical flow. To improve, ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear aspect of the data, use clear topic sentences, and maintain a logical progression from one idea to the next. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes repetitive (e.g., 'in the year').

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate but limited and sometimes imprecise. For example, 'travellers' is used instead of 'tourists', and 'feel slightly' is an incorrect word choice (likely meant 'fell slightly'). There is some attempt at variation (e.g., 'grew sharply', 'sharp increase', 'rising dramatically'), but the range is narrow and some phrases are repetitive. To improve, use a wider range of synonyms and more precise vocabulary related to trends (e.g., 'surge', 'plummet', 'fluctuate', 'peak', 'plateau'). Avoid informal or incorrect expressions.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Examples include: 'experienced a upward trend' (should be 'an upward trend'), 'who coming to Australia' (should be 'who came to Australia'), 'in the year 1975 took up the 2%' (incorrect tense and missing subject), 'it was accounted for' (incorrect passive voice), and 'the figure feel slightly' (incorrect verb form). There is some attempt at complex structures, but they are not always accurate. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and proper sentence construction. Proofreading for basic errors is essential.

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