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Band 6+: occupational backgrounds of Dota 2 players in 2015 and 2024

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The image displays two pie charts showing Dota 2 player demographics for 2015 and 2024: in 2015, 50% students (blue), 30% unemployed (red), 15% employed (green), 5% self-employed (orange); in 2024, 40% students (blue), 30% unemployed (red), 20% employed (green), 10% self-employed (orange).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided pie charts compare the proportion of students, unemployed, employed people and self-employed individuals between 2015 and 2024.

Overall, it can be observed that the number of students in 2015 was highest among other categories, however this figure was surpassed by employed individuals in 2024. It is also noticeable that, the figure for unemployed and self-employed people was the lowest throughout the given timeframe.

In detail, students made up the largest proportion of pie chart in the year 2015 which was more than 50%, while the figure for individuals whocould not land a job accounted almost to 15%, which was the lowest figure in 2015.

In the next period, on the other hand, the figur for students experienced a significant decline, whereas emploeyed people made up the largest share in the chart. Lastly, self-employed individuals constituted to approximately 20%, which was the smallest share in the year 2024.

Word Count: 149

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 4

individuals: 4

figure: 4

people: 3

self-employed: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies some key features of the pie charts but contains inaccuracies and misinterpretations of the data. The structure is somewhat repetitive, and the language contains errors that affect clarity. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data, avoiding generalizations, and ensuring grammatical correctness. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow could be improved. The overall structure is present, but the transitions between sentences and ideas are not always smooth. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the logical progression of information. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between the 2015 data and the subsequent discussion could be clearer.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. While the report conveys the basic information, using more specific and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the description. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'figure,' consider synonyms like 'percentage,' 'proportion,' or 'representation.' Also, explore more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to add depth to the analysis.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. For example, 'individuals whocould not land a job accounted almost to 15%' contains errors. Pay close attention to these areas to improve grammatical accuracy. Review basic grammar rules and proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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Band 6+: occupational backgrounds of Dota 2 players in 2015 and 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

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occupational backgrounds of Dota 2 players in 2015 and 2024

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