Line Graph

Band 6+: Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

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The image shows a line graph of smoking rates per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000 for males and females. In 1960, males: 600, females: 100; 1965, males: 575, females: 150; 1970, males: 550, females: 200; 1975, males: 525, females: 300; 1980, males: 500, females: 310; 1985, males: 450, females: 275; 1990, males: 400, females: 250; 1995, males: 350, females: 225; 2000, males: 300, females: 200.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line graph gives information about the rate of smoking per 1000 persons in southland over the period from 1960 to 2000. The data is presented in the form of a line graph.

Overall, it is clear that male smoking rate was the highest, while female smoking rate was the lowest. It is also noticeable that female smoking showed an increasing trend and male smoking rate presented a decreasing trend. Moreover, there were significant differences between both genders smoking rate.

Looking at the deatils, woman started at 100 and then increased to 300. In addition, men stood at 600 in the biginning and showed a decreased trend. In contrast, male smoking experienced a continuous decline of the period.

Furthermore, female smoking reached a peak of around 300, whereas males smoking dropped to approximately 150. Similarly, men smoking was higher than women smoking throughtout the period. Overall, male smooking had greater figures compared to female smoking.

Word Count: 155

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

smoking: 12

female: 4

trend: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main trends in the graph and provides some supporting data. To improve, include more specific data points and avoid repetition. Also, ensure that the comparison of the data is more precise.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally coherent, but the organization could be improved. The 'Overall' paragraph is a good start, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. Grouping information more logically (e.g., discussing the trends for males and females separately in more detail) would enhance coherence. The flow of ideas could be smoother with better use of cohesive devices.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Using more specific vocabulary related to trends (e.g., 'plateaued,' 'fluctuated') and quantities (e.g., 'a significant proportion,' 'a marginal increase') would enhance the report. Also, avoid repetition of words like 'smoking,' 'rate,' and 'trend' by using synonyms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage. For example, 'men stood at 600 in the biginning' should be 'men started at 600 in the beginning'. Proofreading carefully for these types of errors is essential. Varying sentence structure would also improve the overall quality of the writing.

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