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Band 6+: Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

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The image shows a line graph of smoking rates per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000 for males and females. In 1960, males: 600, females: 100; 1965, males: 575, females: 150; 1970, males: 550, females: 200; 1975, males: 525, females: 300; 1980, males: 500, females: 310; 1985, males: 450, females: 275; 1990, males: 400, females: 250; 1995, males: 350, females: 225; 2000, males: 300, females: 200.

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The chart visualises the rate at which 1000 individuals smoke in Southland from 1960 to 2000, the blue indicates or signifies male while the pink represents female on the chat, generally the line graph appears inverse.

On the one hand, 1960 was the peak smoking period for male with about 600 smokers and ever since then it has been on the retard, it reduced slightly in 1965 which has a figure below 600, but at 1970 it was about 550 male smoker, it moderately reduced to 500 in 1975 and was shown to gradually kept going down because in 1980, it came down to 450 while 400 in 1985, it apparently shows 380 male smoker in 1990 while about 280 smoked in 1995 and 250 male smokers in 2000.

On the other hand, the base or minimal smoking period for female was in 1960 with less than 100 smokers and ever since then it has been increasing, the peak smoking time was in 1975 and 1980 which was about 320 female smokers, there it was static and then started dropping gradually till it reached below 200 in 2000.

In conclusion, the year with the highest number of male smokers is 1960 and the minimal smoking period is 2000, while the peak period for female smokers is between 1975 to 1980, while the lowest year for female smokers is 1960.

Word Count: 229

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

smokers: 7

while: 5

female: 5

smoking: 4

period: 4

about: 4

which: 3

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Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, providing a general overview of the trends in smoking rates for males and females in Southland from 1960 to 2000. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported and some minor omissions. To improve, ensure all data points are accurately represented and consider including more specific comparisons or contrasts between the male and female smoking rates.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally organised with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the flow of information could be improved. Transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt. For example, in the second paragraph, the progression of data points feels somewhat disjointed. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and create a smoother narrative. Paragraphing is adequate, but could be more strategically employed to group related information more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choice ('the blue indicates or signifies male,' 'on the retard'). While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there's room to enhance the sophistication and precision of word choices. For instance, instead of 'peak smoking period,' consider using 'highest smoking rate' or 'period of greatest smoking prevalence.' Aim for more varied and nuanced language to describe trends and data points.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and phrasing issues are present and impact clarity. Examples include awkward phrasing ('the blue indicates or signifies male,' 'generally the line graph appears inverse') and inaccuracies in verb tense and agreement. While the overall meaning is usually clear, these errors detract from the report's professionalism and readability. Focus on proofreading carefully to identify and correct grammatical errors, and consider varying sentence structure to improve flow.

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