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Band 4+: Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

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The image shows a line graph of smoking rates per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000 for males and females. In 1960, males: 600, females: 100; 1965, males: 575, females: 150; 1970, males: 550, females: 200; 1975, males: 525, females: 300; 1980, males: 500, females: 310; 1985, males: 450, females: 275; 1990, males: 400, females: 250; 1995, males: 350, females: 225; 2000, males: 300, females: 200.

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This chart illustrates the data of Man and Woman that smokes in period of 1960 till 2000. Overall, It could be seen that there’s a trend of decreasing in the following years for both genders.

At the beginning of the periods, Male steadily decrease through 1960 to 1975. While the woman suddenly have a surge in 1965 and rise up again 1975. This show that there’s an opposite flow of both data where Male decreased while female increased.

A turning point then pointed at 1980 where the male keep decreasing steadily untill it reach it peak at 250 in 2000. Far more below then where it started which is 600 in 1960. Female however have a fluctuate trend where it rise up in 1975 and then slowly decreasing in 1990, although by the end of the period the number that it shows still higher than the first period

Word Count: 148

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

where: 4

period: 3

decreasing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main trends and providing some specific data points. However, there are some areas for improvement. The language could be more precise and sophisticated, and the analysis could be more insightful. For example, you could discuss the relative rates of change between males and females or speculate on possible reasons for the trends. Also, ensure consistent tense usage throughout the report. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an attempt to organize the information, but the flow is disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Paragraphing is present but could be improved to better group related ideas. Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and lacks precision. There are instances of inappropriate word choice ('Man and Woman', 'reach it peak'). Expand your vocabulary related to trends and data description to enhance the clarity and impact of your report. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impede understanding. Focus on improving your understanding and application of basic grammar rules and sentence construction.

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Band 4+: Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Answers On The Same Topic:

Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

Rate of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 and 2000

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