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Band 4+: Report is about water usage in different sectors of Australia ,Sydney.

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The image depicts two pie charts comparing the percentage of total water usage across different sectors in Sydney, Australia for the years 1997 and 2007. In 1997, Household use accounted for 19%, Building industry 5%, Manufacturing 15%, Food industry 48%, and Service industry 13%. In 2007, Household use decreased to 21%, Building industry increased slightly to 2%, Manufacturing reduced to 11%, Food industry slightly decreased to 41%, and Service industry diminished to 10%.

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The two diagrams describe the total percentage of water use in 1997 and 2007.

In general there are a few main proportions in this diagram. The food industry showed the highest proportion in this graph. And as for the smallest percentage, building industry gained the smallest level.

The service industry illustrated 13 percentage in 1997. After that manufacturing and household use. They showed similar rate in 1997. The percentage of houshold was 19%. Followed by manufacturing level was 15 %.

Finely in 2007 the food industry showed the biggest rate in 2007 too. And building industry reduced to 2%. However houshold use increased to 21%. As for manufacturing, manufacturing gained lesser percentage. But service industry jumped to 25%. As for food industry, food industry decreased to 41 percentage from 43.

Word Count: 130

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

industry: 8

percentage: 6

manufacturing: 4

showed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report provides a general overview of the water usage data but includes some inaccuracies and lacks detail. The description of the data is not always precise, and there are some errors in the reported percentages. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and providing more specific comparisons between the two years. Also, ensure that all sectors are mentioned and that the changes between 1997 and 2007 are clearly highlighted. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence. For example, using phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Similarly' can help connect ideas more smoothly. Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively used to group related information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks precision. There is repetition of words like 'percentage' and 'industry'. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to proportions, changes, and industrial sectors. For instance, instead of 'showed the highest proportion,' consider using 'accounted for the largest share' or 'represented the greatest percentage'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('illustrated' instead of 'accounted for'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing ('gained lesser percentage'). Sentence structure is also quite simple. To improve, focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures and ensuring accuracy in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Proofreading carefully for errors is essential.

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