Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar chart below shows a survey of young professionals aged 20-30 who were asked which factors motivated to succeed

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The image presents a bar chart showing the percentage responses of young professionals aged 20-30 regarding factors motivating them to succeed: Fear of failure at 30%, Envy/jealousy at 20%, Rivalry at 35%, Personal satisfaction at 70%, Family pressure at 50%, Peer pressure at 25%, Ambition at 60%, Money at 40%, Pressure from society at 60%, Desire for material things at 20%, and Feeling inadequate at 30%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the results of a survey of young professionals aged 20 – 30, who were asked to state motivative factors to succeed.

Overall, one of the most striking features is the personal satisfaction group, followed closely by the ambition group, while the fear of failure is the lowest group.

Regarding the personal related group, which contains positive and negative. Firstly, there are personal satisfaction and ambition which is the leading feature, at 80% while both rivalry and desire for material things are received 50% by people who gave Money 45%. Sencondly, the negative group including feeling inadequate, envy/jealousy and fear of failure, which are given as 34%, 30% and 25% respectively.

In regard to external group, family pressure stick out as 70%, followed by pressure from society and peer pressure which are mentioned as 50% and 45% respectively.

Word Count: 141

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

group: 5

which: 4

personal: 3

pressure: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by categorizing the data into personal and external factors, which is a good organizational strategy. However, there are significant issues with data accuracy and clarity. Many of the percentages provided in the report do not align with the data presented in the visual description, which makes the report difficult to follow. Additionally, some sentence structures are incomplete or grammatically fractured (e.g., 'Regarding the personal related group, which contains positive and negative.'). To improve, ensure that every data point mentioned is accurate and that sentences are fully developed to convey clear meaning. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of the report is somewhat logical in its attempt to group data into 'personal' and 'external' categories. However, the cohesion is significantly hindered by fragmented sentences. For example, the phrase 'Regarding the personal related group, which contains positive and negative' is a sentence fragment (an incomplete thought) and lacks a main verb. To improve, ensure that every sentence has a subject and a predicate, and use transition words more effectively to link ideas rather than just listing them.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and occasionally inaccurate. The term 'motivative factors' is non-standard; 'motivating factors' would be more appropriate. There are also issues with word choice, such as 'the personal satisfaction group' or 'the ambition group,' which sounds slightly unnatural when referring to survey responses. Try to vary your vocabulary by using synonyms for 'show' (e.g., depict, reveal, present) and 'group' (e.g., category, factor, element).

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'ambition which is' vs 'rivalry and desire... are received'), sentence structure (fragments), and spelling ('Sencondly'). Additionally, the phrasing 'are received 50% by people' is grammatically incorrect for describing survey data. Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that your data descriptions follow standard patterns, such as '[Factor] accounted for [Percentage] of responses.'

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