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Band 6+: The bar chart below shows a survey of young professionals aged 20-30 who were asked which factors motivated to succeed

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The image presents a bar chart showing the percentage responses of young professionals aged 20-30 regarding factors motivating them to succeed: Fear of failure at 30%, Envy/jealousy at 20%, Rivalry at 35%, Personal satisfaction at 70%, Family pressure at 50%, Peer pressure at 25%, Ambition at 60%, Money at 40%, Pressure from society at 60%, Desire for material things at 20%, and Feeling inadequate at 30%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The rendered bar chart illustrates the inspection of a group of youth specialists, aged between 20 and 30 years, regarding the factors that encouraged them to achieve success in their lives. The data is calibrated in percentage.

From the image, the two major aspects that persuade youth are personal satisfaction and ambition. Fear of failure and envy or jealousy least bothered them.

A majority of the youngsters, 80% consider personal satisfaction to be a crucial aspect in setting their goals. A similar percentage voted ambition, and 70% considered family pressure as a vital factor for success. Two categories, rivalry and desire for material things, were voted 50% each.

The pressure from society was also chosen by many of the youth count, and it has having third highest percentage with 60%. 25% of the youth population has chosen fear of failure and which is counted as the least. The second least was with 30% which is envy or jealousy.

Word Count: 158

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

youth: 4

least: 3

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Task Response

The report generally addresses the requirements of the task, but there are inaccuracies in the data reported. For example, the report states that 80% consider personal satisfaction to be a crucial aspect, while the visual data indicates 70%. Also, ambition is reported as 80% while the visual data indicates 60%, and family pressure is reported as 70% while the visual data indicates 50%. Rivalry and desire for material things are reported as 50% each, while the visual data indicates 35% and 20% respectively. The report also states that 25% of the youth population has chosen fear of failure, while the visual data indicates 30%. The report also states that envy or jealousy is 30%, while the visual data indicates 20%. These inaccuracies detract from the task achievement. To improve, ensure that the data reported is accurate and consistent with the visual data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. The flow of ideas could be improved by using more effective transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. For example, the shift from discussing the major motivating factors to the least bothersome ones could be smoother. Also, avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are opportunities to enhance lexical precision and variety. For instance, consider using synonyms or more specific terms to describe the motivating factors and the respondents' views. Also, avoid using informal language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For example, there are errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. To improve grammatical accuracy, review basic grammar rules and proofread carefully for errors. Also, pay attention to sentence structure and word order to ensure that your writing is clear and concise.

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