Bar Chart

Band 4+: The bar chart below shows the number of men and women studying engineering at Australian universities. Summarise the information in the chart by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the number of men and women studying engineering at Australian universities. Summarise the information in the chart by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

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The image is a bar graph depicting the number of students studying engineering by gender over three distinct years; 1992, 2002, and 2012. In 1992, the number of men was approximately 13,000 while that of women was about 2,000. In 2002, approximately 12,000 men and over 3,000 women were studying engineering. By 2012, the number of men decreased slightly to below 12,000 as the number for women increased to about 4,000.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The chart gives information about how many men and women were studying engineering at Australian universites from 1992 to 2012. Overall, it is clear that the number of women who study at university was growen every 10 years.

Looking at the data in greater detail, the figure for women who studied engineering grew every 10 years. For instance, the women who studied techical studies at university in 1992, only according for 2000. However, the number of femele between 2002 and 2012 was increased significantly than 1992, and it made up 4000 and 6000.

Moving on to the remaining category, the quantity of men who studied engineering field at university was always larger than quantity of women. For example, the number of male at engineering university reached a peak in 1992, and it totaled 14000 students. But the during the period from 2002 – 2012 the quantity of male was unchanged, it constututed 12000 graduates.

Word Count: 154

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

women: 5

engineering: 4

university: 4

number: 3

studied: 3

quantity: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the main requirements of the task by identifying the general trends for both men and women. However, there are significant issues with data accuracy and clarity. Some figures provided in the report (such as 6000 for women or 14000 for men) do not align with the provided visual description, and some sentences are grammatically incomplete or confusing (e.g., 'only according for 2000'). To improve, ensure that all data points are reported accurately according to the visual information and focus on improving sentence structure to ensure that comparisons between the two genders are clear and logical.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of the report follows a logical structure (Introduction, Overview, and Body Paragraphs), but the progression of ideas is hindered by significant phrasing issues. Some sentences are fragmented or incomplete, such as the sentence starting with 'For instance, the women who studied techical studies...', which lacks a clear predicate. To improve, ensure that every sentence is a complete thought and use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Conversely', 'Furthermore') to link your observations more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'universites', 'techical', 'femele', 'constututed'). There is also some repetitive use of words like 'quantity' and 'number'. To reach a higher band, aim for more precise academic vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Instead of 'the number of female', use 'the number of females' or 'the female population'. Try to use synonyms for 'increase' and 'decrease' to demonstrate a broader range.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Issues include incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'was growen', 'was increased significantly than'), subject-verb agreement, and improper use of articles. For example, 'the number of male' should be 'the number of males'. Focus on mastering passive voice constructions and comparative structures (e.g., 'increased more significantly than') to improve the accuracy and sophistication of your writing.

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