Bar Chart

Band 7+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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The image depicts a bar chart with 3 groups of data (IBM, Microsoft, Apple) for 6 different years (1980, 1985, 1990, 1995, 2000, 2010); percentages on the y-axis range from 0% to 70% in 10% increments; IBM percentages for each year: 1980-5%, 1985-20%, 1990-25%, 1995-20%, 2000-15%, 2010-10%; Microsoft percentages for each year: 1980-0%, 1985-5%, 1990-10%, 1995-35%, 2000-30%, 2010-25%; Apple percentages for each year: 1980-10%, 1985-10%, 1990-5%, 1995-10%, 2000-15%, 2010-60%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of men working in senior development position in three different companies between 1980 and 2010.

Overall, the rate of men working in senior development position in IBM remained the lowest in the first five years and the opposite was true for the figure for Apple. However, the pattern was reversed at the end when IBM’s figure surged sharply over time while the percentage in Apple was more stable. Besides, Microsoft experienced a steady growth before finishing at a clear peak and it was the only company that was never the leading one among the three.

In 1980, IBM recorded the lowest proportion of men working in senior development, with only about 2% of employees in this position being male. The figure then levelled off after 5 years before soaring dramatically to over 10% in 1990. It continued to rise with significant gaps until the end and the largest increase occurred between 2000 and 2010, when the proportion rose by about 30%. Likewise, Microsoft also followed a similar upward trend when its figure started at roughly 8% then grew continuously but more marginally during the time and reached a clear peak in 2010 at approximately 45%.

Regarding the remaining company, Apple used to be the dominant company in that data among three in the first ten years. After dipping slightly from about 15% to about 12% between 1980 and 1990, the figure rebounded strongly to over 20% in 1995 although it can not recover its highest position. In 2010, Apple had only about 25% of men working in the senior development field, which was the smallest number in comparison with the others.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

figure: 5

about: 5

working: 4

senior: 4

development: 4

position: 4

apple: 4

between: 3

years: 3

company: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and provides an overview, but it contains significant inaccuracies in the data and misinterprets the trends. For example, it states that IBM's figure surged sharply and was the highest at the end, whereas the data shows IBM declined after 1990 and was not the highest. It also incorrectly describes Microsoft's trend as steadily growing to a peak, when it actually peaked in 1995 and then declined. The figures cited (e.g., IBM at 2%, Microsoft at 8%, Apple at 15%) do not match the given data. To improve, ensure that the data is accurately reported and that the overall trends and comparisons are correctly identified. Focus on selecting the key features and making clear, accurate comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. The progression of ideas is logical, and the use of cohesive devices is mostly effective. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the overview could be more concise and accurate. For example, the statement 'the pattern was reversed at the end when IBM's figure surged sharply over time while the percentage in Apple was more stable' is confusing and not entirely accurate. Aim to make the overview clearer and ensure that each paragraph has a distinct focus.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to describing trends (e.g., 'levelled off', 'soaring dramatically', 'rebounded strongly'). There is some effective use of synonyms and paraphrasing. However, there are a few inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'the rate of men working in senior development position' (should be 'positions') and 'it can not recover its highest position' (should be 'could not recover its leading position'). To improve, focus on using precise and natural collocations, and ensure subject-verb agreement and article usage are correct.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and comparative forms, which shows good grammatical range. There are, however, some minor errors and awkward constructions, such as 'the figure for Apple' (should be 'the figure for Apple was more stable') and 'it can not recover' (should be 'it could not recover'). Additionally, some sentences are overly long and could be broken down for clarity. Overall, the grammar is mostly accurate, but attention to minor details would improve the score.

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Band 7+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Answers On The Same Topic:

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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