Bar Chart

Band 6+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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The image depicts a bar chart with 3 groups of data (IBM, Microsoft, Apple) for 6 different years (1980, 1985, 1990, 1995, 2000, 2010); percentages on the y-axis range from 0% to 70% in 10% increments; IBM percentages for each year: 1980-5%, 1985-20%, 1990-25%, 1995-20%, 2000-15%, 2010-10%; Microsoft percentages for each year: 1980-0%, 1985-5%, 1990-10%, 1995-35%, 2000-30%, 2010-25%; Apple percentages for each year: 1980-10%, 1985-10%, 1990-5%, 1995-10%, 2000-15%, 2010-60%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The bar chart illustrate the number of male senior in development positions from 1980 to 2010 in three companies, namely IBM, Microsoft, and Apple.

Overall, except for Apple which has its figures fluctuating throughout the period, IBM and Microsoft witnessed noticable rises with the most significant growth recorded in the former company. In addition, while the number for IBM started at the lowest, it eneded up being the highest figure in 2010. Conversely, Apple obeserved a reversed pattern in its statistics.

Examining the chart in more detail, in 1980, the number of male senior developers in IBM was only about 3%, which was greatly lower than that of Apple, at about 15%. Afterwards, the participantion rate of IBM remained unchanged in the next 5 years before rising substaintially to 25% by 1995, surpassing the number for Apple, at approximately 21%. Then, IBM had its number risising to roughly 32% while Apple experienced a slight deccrease of 3 percentage units by 2000. At the end of the timeline, IBM’s figure reached its peak of 63%, which was significantly higher than the figure for Apple, at only around 25%.

Regarding Microsoft, its participation rate began at 7% in 1980, leveling at the second position among three companies. Later on, the figure rose slightly to around 10% by 1990, and kept increasing to approximately 15% by 1995 before levelling off in the next 5 years. Consequently, Microsoft’s witnessed a remarkable growth in its number of male senior developers when it reached a high of 25% by the end of the period.

Word Count: 258

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 6

apple: 6

figure: 4

senior: 3

microsoft: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies in data reporting that affect the overall clarity and reliability of the summary. While the structure is appropriate and includes an overview, the specific figures provided in the body paragraphs frequently contradict the trends described or the data provided in the visual description (for example, the report claims IBM reached a peak of 63% in 2010, whereas the description suggests it was much lower, and it misattributes the highest growth to IBM instead of Apple). To improve, ensure that the data extracted from the chart is recorded accurately and that the comparisons between companies are logically consistent with the numbers presented.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is logically organized with a clear introduction, overview, and detailed body paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices such as 'Overall', 'In addition', 'Conversely', and 'Regarding' helps guide the reader through the comparison. However, some transitions could be smoother, and there is a slight lack of cohesion in the way data points are linked within the detailed paragraphs, occasionally feeling like a list of observations rather than a fluid narrative.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task and includes some good attempts at variety (e.g., 'witnessed', 'surpassing', 'leveling off'). However, there are several spelling errors ('noticable', 'eneded', 'obeserved', 'participantion', 'substaintially', 'risising', 'deccrease') and some awkward phrasing ('the number of male senior in development positions'). To improve, focus on accuracy in spelling and ensure that word choices (like 'number' vs 'percentage') are used correctly according to the unit of measurement provided in the task.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impact the flow. For example, subject-verb agreement issues ('The bar chart illustrate' should be 'illustrates') and errors in noun usage ('male senior' instead of 'male seniors' or 'senior males'). There are also issues with article usage and prepositional phrasing. Aim for greater control over basic grammar to ensure that the complexity of your sentences does not come at the expense of accuracy.

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