Bar Chart

Band 6+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image illustrates the percentage participation of men in senior development positions in IBM, Microsoft, and Apple from 1980 to 2010: 1980 - IBM: 2%, Microsoft: 0%, Apple: 5%; 1985 - IBM: 3%, Microsoft: 2%, Apple: 10%; 1990 - IBM: 4%, Microsoft: 6%, Apple: 12%; 1995 - IBM: 10%, Microsoft: 14%, Apple: 15%; 2000 - IBM: 30%, Microsoft: 22%, Apple: 22%; 2005 - IBM: 40%, Microsoft: 18%, Apple: 25%; 2010 - IBM: 70%, Microsoft: 40%, Apple: 35%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided bar graph compares the number of male senior developers in three major software companies namely IBM, Microsoft and Apple between 1980 and 2010. As is presented in the graph, Initially Apple had the largest percentage of senior development employees but after 30 years IBM employed the largest percentage of such employees.

As is presented in the bar graph, initially in 1980, IBM had less than 3% senior male developers while Microsoft had 8% and Apple had about 15% such senior developers. After a decade, in 1990 to be exact, the percentage of senior male developers became almost the same for these companies. In 1995, the percentage of senior male employees in IBM became the highest and this kept on increasing till 2010. Finally, in 2010, IBM had the largest percentage of such employees making more than 60% while Microsoft had 45% and Apple had about 25% of such senior developers.

In summary, the number of male senior developers increased in all the three companies but the rate of increase in IBM and Microsoft were far higher than Apple.

Word Count: 180

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

senior: 8

developers: 5

apple: 5

percentage: 5

microsoft: 4

graph: 3

companies: 3

largest: 3

employees: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main trends and makes some comparisons, but there are inaccuracies in the data reported. For example, the report states that Microsoft had 8% of senior male developers in 1980, but the visual description states that Microsoft had 0% in 1980. Also, the report states that Apple had about 15% such senior developers in 1980, but the visual description states that Apple had 5% in 1980. To improve, ensure that the data reported is accurate.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a generally clear overview of the data, but there are some areas where coherence could be improved. The organization of information is adequate, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the initial overview to the specific data points in 1980 feels a bit abrupt. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the comparison of the companies over time. Additionally, paragraphing could be refined to group related ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and varied language. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, some phrases are repeated (e.g., 'percentage of senior male developers') which could be rephrased for greater impact and sophistication. Try to incorporate synonyms and more specific terms to describe the trends and data.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, the sentence 'Microsoft had 8% and Apple had about 15% such senior developers' contains inaccuracies. Focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper sentence construction. Reviewing and correcting these errors will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy and readability of the report.

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Band 6+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Generate A Band-9 Sample Answer?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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