Band 5+: The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

The report addresses the task and provides an overview, but there are some inaccuracies and omissions. The statement that 'in all kinds of employment status male had more free time than female' is not entirely accurate, as the visual description indicates that females have the most leisure time as housewives, which is a category exclusive to women. Additionally, the report incorrectly states that 'employed part time workers and housewives goes not include men at all' without clear support from the description. The data for unemployed and retired individuals is mentioned, but the report omits the retired category in the detailed description. To improve, ensure that the overview accurately reflects the main trends, and include all categories with correct comparisons. Also, avoid making unsupported claims and ensure data is presented clearly and accurately.

The report has a logical structure with an introduction and body paragraphs, but there are some issues with cohesion and clarity. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the message less effortless to follow. For example, the phrase 'employed part time workers and housewives goes not include men at all' is unclear and disrupts the flow. Additionally, the paragraphing could be improved by more clearly separating different employment statuses. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic.

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, with some attempts at paraphrasing (e.g., 'leisure time' as 'free time'). However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and repetition (e.g., 'own' instead of 'have', 'goes not include' instead of 'does not include'). The range of vocabulary is limited, and more sophisticated terms could be used to describe trends and comparisons. To improve, expand your vocabulary for describing data (e.g., 'approximately', 'exceed', 'slightly higher') and use synonyms to avoid repetition. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, subject-verb agreement issues ('male had' should be 'males had', 'people who does not have' should be 'people who do not have'), incorrect verb forms ('goes not include' should be 'does not include'), and awkward phrasing ('that is less for 12 hours than men' should be 'which is 12 hours less than men'). There is also inconsistent use of tenses. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, and proofread your work to eliminate errors.