Bar Chart

Band 5+: The chart below shows the percentage of Australian children in three groups taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018

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Image for topic: The chart below shows the percentage of Australian children in three groups taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018

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The image presents a bar graph depicting the percentage of Australian children participating in four activities in 2018. Watching TV: 5-8 years old at 95%, 9-11 years old at 90%, 12-16 years old at 80%. Reading: 5-8 years old at 60%, 9-11 years old at 80%, 12-16 years old at 50%. Playing computer games: 5-8 years old at 70%, 9-11 years old at 80%, 12-16 years old at 60%. Riding bikes: 5-8 years old at 70%, 9-11 years old at 60%, 12-16 years old at 50%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart given compares three different children’s groups based on the proportion of them participating in four kinds of activities in 2018

Looking at the illustrations, it is immediately evident that all of the children’s groups like watching TV than other activities, but most of the surveyed showed upward trends.

In 5-8-year-olds, the percentage of watching TV is highest, with 95%, while in 9-16-year-olds, it is the same, with data about 80%. Next, the activity of reading in 5-8-year-olds has decreased by about 63%, and one more time, the same pattern between 9-11 and 12-16 year olds, approximately 70%.

In the activity of playing computer games, the age group of 12-16 years old has the lowest figure, with 40%. The second runner-up is 9-11 years old, about 58% and the majority of these activities are 5-8 years old. In the last activity, the age group of 12-16 years old has a significantly increased, with 83%, while the 5-8 years old has about 65% and the last is 9-11 years old with 60%.

Word Count: 173

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

years: 6

about: 4

activities: 3

activity: 3

12-16: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains inaccuracies and misinterpretations of the data. The structure is present, but the details provided are not always correct, and the language used is sometimes unclear. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the chart and use precise language to describe the trends and figures. Ensure that comparisons are accurate and avoid making generalizations that are not supported by the data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The second paragraph mentions 'upward trends' without specifying what is trending upwards. The third and fourth paragraphs contain comparisons that are difficult to follow due to a lack of clear connections between the data points and the age groups. To improve coherence, focus on creating a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the data. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the information and ensure that comparisons are explicitly stated.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks the precision needed to effectively describe the data. For example, using phrases like 'like watching TV than other activities' and 'the same pattern' could be replaced with more specific and descriptive language. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to proportions, trends, and comparisons. Consider using synonyms for common words and phrases to add variety and sophistication to your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and inaccuracies that affect clarity. For instance, the sentence 'In 5-8-year-olds, the percentage of watching TV is highest, with 95%, while in 9-16-year-olds, it is the same, with data about 80%' contains awkward phrasing and incorrect grammar. Similarly, the percentages provided in the third and fourth paragraphs do not accurately reflect the data in the bar graph. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using correct sentence structures, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement. Proofread carefully to identify and correct any errors before submitting your report.

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