Bar Chart

Band 4+: The chart below shows the percentage of Australian children in three groups taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018

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Image for topic: The chart below shows the percentage of Australian children in three groups taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018

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The image presents a bar graph depicting the percentage of Australian children participating in four activities in 2018. Watching TV: 5-8 years old at 95%, 9-11 years old at 90%, 12-16 years old at 80%. Reading: 5-8 years old at 60%, 9-11 years old at 80%, 12-16 years old at 50%. Playing computer games: 5-8 years old at 70%, 9-11 years old at 80%, 12-16 years old at 60%. Riding bikes: 5-8 years old at 70%, 9-11 years old at 60%, 12-16 years old at 50%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentages of three groups of Australian children (aged 5-8, 9-11 and 12-14) who took part in four kinds of activities in 2012.

Overall, it is clear that the proportion of children taking part watching TV was higher than other three parts in all ages. Even though the figure for reading and riding bicycle experienced an upward trend. However, Art was the least popular among Australian children.

In 2012, watching TV was the most popular activity, rose to 90% by the 5-8 years old children, for 9-11 years old children increased progressively to 93%, 12-14 years old children reached 95%. Looking at the second category, reading remained the same figure by all ages around 70%, 75% and 70% by all ages of children.

Turning to art and riding a bicycle aged group, riding a bicycle had the highest percentage than art activity. Moreover, the 12-14 years old children rose to 80% by riding activity, 9-11 years old children at about 78%, 5-8 years old children reached only 63% among Australian children. Furthermore, the percentage of children taking part in Art shows the downward trend. 5-8 years old children rose to 80%, 9-11 years old children at about 70%, 12-14 older children reached only to 60%.

Word Count: 209

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 13

years: 8

riding: 4

australian: 3

bicycle: 3

activity: 3

12-14: 3

reached: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but suffers from significant issues regarding data accuracy and internal consistency. There is a major discrepancy between the activities mentioned in the task/visual description (Watching TV, Reading, Computer Games, Riding Bikes) and the activities reported in the text (Art is introduced without being in the prompt). Additionally, the data reported in the text frequently contradicts the provided visual description, and the trends described (such as 'upward trends' or 'downward trends') are often applied to static data points from a single year, which is an incorrect use of trend language. To improve, ensure that all categories mentioned are present in the prompt and focus on comparing the specific values provided rather than inventing new categories or trends that do not exist in the data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of ideas is somewhat logical, but the progression is frequently interrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Even though', 'However', 'Moreover') is often incorrect, leading to logical contradictions. For instance, using 'Even though' followed by 'However' in the same context creates a fragmented structure. To improve, focus on using transition words to show clear relationships between sentences and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and often used inaccurately. There are several instances where words are used in ways that do not convey the intended meaning (e.g., 'other three parts', 'remained the same figure by all ages'). There is also a lack of variety in describing trends and comparisons. To improve, work on learning collocations related to data description (e.g., 'the percentage of', 'a significant increase in') and avoid repeating the same simple structures. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impede the reader's ability to follow the report. There are issues with sentence structure (run-on sentences), subject-verb agreement, and preposition usage (e.g., 'rose to 90% by the 5-8 years old children'). Many sentences are fragments or incorrectly joined. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, particularly how to use relative clauses and how to correctly link independent clauses using conjunctions.

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