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Band 5+: the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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The image shows two bar charts comparing employment percentages for men and women aged 60-64 in 2000 and 2020. For men, employment in Australia was 47% in 2000 and 74% in 2020; Japan 76% in 2000 and 84% in 2020; USA 55% in 2000 and 73% in 2020; Belgium 19% in 2000 and 28% in 2020. For women, employment in Australia was 19% in 2000 and 40% in 2020; Japan 28% in 2000 and 48% in 2020; USA 39% in 2000 and 43% in 2020; Belgium 7% in 2000 and 19% in 2020.

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The graphs illustrates the percentage of employment of men and women aged 60-64 people in Australia, Japan, USA and Belgium in 1970 and 2000.

Overall, The employment of men in 2000 is decreased compared to 1970 in all four countries. Whereas, the employment of women in 2000 is fall compared to 1970 in Australia and USA, increased in Japan and Belgium. Men employment was always greater than women everywhere.

The working men percentage was rapidly increased in 2000 in Belgium compared to other three countries. Japan have the highest perecntage of employment of men aged 60 to 64. Belgium have least working men.

The working women percentage was differed within one to three perecentage in 1970 and 2000. Similar to men , also women have highest employment percentage in japan only. Belgium have very least percentage of women employment in both 1970 and 2000. Australia improved by one percent in 2000 and USA increases two percentage in 2000.

Word Count: 158

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

employment: 7

percentage: 6

women: 6

belgium: 5

japan: 4

australia: 3

compared: 3

working: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and misinterpretations of the data provided in the charts. The overall trends are not clearly identified, and there are errors in comparing the data between the two time periods. The report includes some irrelevant or inaccurate information, which detracts from the task achievement. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data, clearly identifying overall trends, and making precise comparisons between the countries and time periods. Ensure that the information presented is relevant and supported by the data in the charts.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always smooth. The introduction could be more precise in stating what the graphs depict. The 'Overall' paragraph attempts to summarize but lacks clear connections between the observations. The subsequent paragraphs present data points without a strong unifying theme, making it difficult to follow the main trends and comparisons. To improve coherence, focus on grouping related information together and using transition words to guide the reader through your analysis. For example, you could dedicate separate paragraphs to men and women, or to comparisons between countries. Also, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which limits the depth of the analysis. There is a reliance on simple words like 'increased,' 'decreased,' 'greater,' and 'least,' which could be replaced with more precise and varied alternatives. For instance, instead of 'increased,' consider using 'rose,' 'grew,' or 'expanded.' Instead of 'least,' try 'lowest' or 'smallest.' To enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate synonyms and more specific terms related to employment trends and comparative analysis. Also, pay attention to the correct spelling of words like 'percentage.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Subject-verb agreement issues are present (e.g., 'The graphs illustrates'). There are also problems with verb tense consistency and the correct use of articles (e.g., 'The employment of men in 2000 is decreased'). Sentence structure could be improved to enhance readability. For example, some sentences are too long and complex, while others are too short and lack detail. To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, article usage, and sentence structure. Consider breaking down long sentences into shorter, more manageable ones.

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the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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Band 8+

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Band 5+: the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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Answers On The Same Topic:

the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

the charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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