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Band 5+: The charts detail the proportions of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed,employed or further education in 1980,1990 and 2000.

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The image depicts three pie charts that represent the proportions of unemployed, employed, and further education-seeking Australian secondary school graduates in 1980, 1990, and 2000. In 1980, 50% were employed, 40% in further education, and 10% unemployed. In 1990, 50% were employed, 38% in further education, and 12% unemployed. In 2000, 55% were employed, 37% in further education, and 8% unemployed.

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The pie charts illustrate the changes in the proportions of Australian postgraduates derived from three different types in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

Overall, most Australian students graduating from secondary school had further education, while the number of students who are unemployed represent the lowest percentage of total in the 20-year period, from 1980 to 2000. However, the number of students having further education and being unemployed decreased, and the exception for employed students.

As for the first 10-year period, the number of unemployed students decreased slightly, from 10% to 12%. In 1990, Australians saw a significant decrease in the number of students having higher education, from 50% to 38%, however, it was over three times as high as the number of unemployed students. The employed students numbers in Australia surpassed the number of high school students, rising up to 50%.

Regarding the period from 1990 to 2000, the proportion of Australian unemployed students continued declining slowly, from 12% to 8%, while employed students still accounted for the highest percentage of the total, at 55%.

Word Count: 174

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 10

number: 6

unemployed: 5

australian: 3

education: 3

period: 3

employed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies in data interpretation and terminology that affect clarity. For instance, the introduction refers to 'postgraduates' instead of secondary school graduates, which changes the fundamental meaning of the data. There are also contradictions in the data reporting, such as stating the number of unemployed students decreased from 10% to 12% (which is an increase). To improve, ensure that the trends described (increase vs. decrease) match the numerical values provided, and use precise terminology that reflects the subject of the charts.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and logical inconsistencies. For instance, the overview contains contradictory statements regarding trends, and the transition between sentences could be smoother. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Conversely', 'Subsequently') more effectively to link ideas rather than just listing data points.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but there are significant inaccuracies in word choice that affect meaning. For example, the report uses 'postgraduates' instead of 'secondary school graduates', which changes the entire context of the task. Additionally, phrases like 'the exception for employed students' are unidiomatic. Aim for greater precision in terminology and ensure that the words used accurately reflect the categories presented in the charts.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the number... represent') and tense consistency. Some sentences are structurally confusing, such as the description of the 1990 data. To improve, practice using complex sentence structures more accurately and pay close attention to singular/plural agreement and article usage.

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Band 5+: The charts detail the proportions of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed,employed or further education in 1980,1990 and 2000.

Check Your Answer On This Topic?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Answers On The Same Topic:

The charts detail the proportions of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed,employed or further education in 1980,1990 and 2000.

The charts detail the proportions of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed,employed or further education in 1980,1990 and 2000.

The charts detail the proportions of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed,employed or further education in 1980,1990 and 2000.

The charts detail the proportions of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed,employed or further education in 1980,1990 and 2000.

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