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Band 5+: The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

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Image for topic: The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

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The image shows three diagrams from 1950, 1980, and 2010. In 1950: Houses, school, farmland, and playground are present. In 1980: Main road, car park, science block, school (main building), sports field, and playground. In 2010: Main road, car park, science block, school (main building), sports field, and playground.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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These three graphs illustrate us the evolve of the West park secondary school in time from 1950 to 2010.

On the first hand I’ll begin with1950, in 1950 which is the first plan of this area has 4 main place, in the upper left side three houses located side by side, after that next to the houses it has a huge school building, behind the school it has a giant playground area on the right and a farmland place on the left. Moreover in the northern side of this area a huge main road located.

In the second graph the 1980 one, the first thing that catched my attention is they added two new places to the area, first one is car park and the other one iscscience block. After that the second thing that catched my attention is they removed the houses area and farmland.

On the second hand, which is the recent plan in 2010. instead of farmland, it has sports field after the new planning. Moreover car park area has the biggest area in this graph, result of it, all buldings are smaller when it compared with the other graphs.

in conclusion, it’s clear that this area has been changed a lot in time, about designs and main features. However the main road location and main buildings and places like school and playground didn’t changed at all.

Word Count: 230

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

school: 4

first: 4

houses: 3

after: 3

second: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the task by describing the changes to West Park Secondary School over time. However, there are some areas for improvement. The description of each time period is somewhat fragmented and lacks a clear overall structure. The report could benefit from a more cohesive organization, perhaps by grouping changes thematically (e.g., changes to buildings, changes to outdoor areas). The language used is generally understandable, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be improved. For example, 'evolve of the West park secondary school in time' could be rephrased as 'evolution of West Park Secondary School over time.' Also, avoid using conversational phrases like 'catched my attention' in academic writing. The report includes some relevant information, but it could be more selective in highlighting the most significant changes and making direct comparisons between the time periods. For instance, the growth of the car park and the introduction of the science block are important developments that could be emphasized further.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an attempt to organize information chronologically, but the flow is somewhat disrupted by phrases like 'On the first hand' and 'On the second hand,' which are not used appropriately here. Paragraphing is present but could be improved to better group related information and enhance clarity. Consider using more precise transitional phrases to guide the reader through the changes over time.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with phrases like 'huge,' 'giant,' and 'area' being overused. There's a lack of precision in describing the changes. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to spatial descriptions and changes in land use. For example, instead of 'huge,' consider using 'extensive,' 'sprawling,' or 'considerable.' Instead of 'area,' use more specific terms like 'plot,' 'site,' or 'grounds.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('evolve' instead of 'evolution'), subject-verb agreement issues ('this area has been changed'), and awkward phrasing ('the first thing that catched my attention'). Sentence structure is also quite simple, limiting the complexity of the information conveyed. To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles and prepositions.

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