Band 5+: The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The report attempts to address the task but includes some irrelevant and inaccurate information. The language is quite basic and lacks precision. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the graph, using more precise language to describe trends and differences, and structuring the report with a clear overview, body paragraphs focusing on key features, and a concise conclusion. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

The report lacks a clear structure and logical flow. The introduction is weak and doesn't effectively summarise the graph's purpose. The body paragraphs jump between observations without clear transitions, making it difficult to follow the analysis. The conclusion is simplistic and doesn't provide a strong summary of the key trends. To improve coherence, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, focus on one or two key trends per paragraph, and use transition words to connect ideas. For example, you could dedicate a paragraph to the younger age groups, another to the middle age groups, and a third to the 50+ age group, highlighting the differences and similarities between men and women in each. Also, avoid vague statements like 'It also has advantages and disadvantages' as they are not relevant to the task.

The vocabulary used is basic and lacks precision. There is overuse of simple words and phrases, and a limited range of vocabulary to describe the data. To improve, try to use more specific and varied vocabulary related to statistics and trends. For example, instead of 'a little presents,' use 'a small percentage.' Instead of 'started going to the cinema much more,' use 'showed a slightly higher rate of cinema attendance.' Also, use synonyms to avoid repetition of words like 'statistic' and 'shows.' Consider using words like 'proportion,' 'percentage,' 'attendance,' 'popularity,' 'dominate,' 'outnumber,' etc., where appropriate. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. To improve, focus on using correct grammar and sentence structure. Proofread carefully for errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences, but ensure they are grammatically correct. For example, 'the statistic about going to the cinema and different between the woman and men' should be revised to 'the statistics regarding cinema attendance and the differences between women and men.' Also, 'Nevertheless he difference has 1-3 % in 18-34 years' should be revised to 'Nevertheless, the difference is between 1-3% in the 18-34 age group.'