Multiple Graphs

Band 6+: The graph below shows the average monthly use of the health club in Miami, Florida by all full-time members over the last year. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members.

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The image shows a bar graph and two pie charts detailing health club data; the bar graph indicates monthly use over a year with J-F-M-A-M-J-J-A-S-O-N-D for female 500-500-700-600-600-800-700-900-800-700-600-600 and male 500-400-500-800-800-600-900-800-700-800-500-400; the pie chart for male membership by age reveals 55% between 21-45, 25% 65+, and 20% others; female membership by age pie chart reveals 51% between 21-45, 32% 65+, and 17% others.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrated the average numbers of male and females every month participating in the health club in Miami, Florida in the year 2013, while the pie chart showed a detailed follow up on the ages in both genders. Generally, both genders showed a same trend, specifically in January till June it peaked and dropped in numbers till the end of the year of 2013.

In the early months of January till April, both genders showed a competitive and upward trend in numbers averaging around 490-620 people, with just a low number of disparity estimating at 50-70 people. Starting on the mid of the year, a high demand of number showed the highest peak of the graph in May till September at around 550-850 people and steadily showing the same trend of increase. In the end of the year, a downward trend could be seen showing a much less number of members attending the club, In October the number is averaging at just about 680-720.

Looking at the percentage given on the pie chart, the males are showing a more dominant side of participation on health club especially in the age of 21-45 at 55% following that ages above 65 is at 25% and others at 20%, describing how young males are

Word Count: 213

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

showed: 4

trend: 4

number: 4

chart: 3

numbers: 3

genders: 3

people: 3

showing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some areas for improvement. The description of the bar chart is somewhat general and lacks specific details. The pie chart analysis is basic and could benefit from more comparative statements. To improve, focus on providing more precise data from the graphs and making direct comparisons between the male and female age groups.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but the structure could be improved for better flow. The introduction provides a general overview, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences to guide the reader. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, affecting the overall coherence. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, using 'However' or 'In contrast' to highlight differences, and 'Similarly' or 'Furthermore' to show similarities. Paragraphing is generally acceptable, but could be refined to group related information more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, 'showed a same trend' could be rephrased for better accuracy. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated language to enhance the overall impression. Focus on using synonyms and varied expressions to describe trends and data points.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. Common errors include subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect tense usage, and awkward phrasing. For example, 'both genders showed a same trend' contains grammatical inaccuracies. To improve, focus on proofreading carefully for grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles and prepositions. Varying sentence structure can also enhance the overall quality of the writing.

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