Pie Chart

Band 6+: The graph below shows the online sales for the different retails sectors in America for the year 2008,2010. Write a report to the university lecturer describing the charts.

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The image includes two pie charts detailing the percentage distribution of online retail sector sales in America for 2005 and 2010: In 2005, Electronics & Appliance comprise 35%, Food & Beverage 22%, Home Furnishings 25%, Video Games 18%; In 2010, Electronics & Appliance account for 30%, Food & Beverage 32%, Home Furnishings 15%, Video Games 23%.

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The pie charts illustrate the virtual sales for the different retail shops in America for years 2008 and 2010.

It can be clearly seen that most of the online retail shops sold electronic devices in 2005. In contrast, food and beverages sold out high percentage in the year of 2010. Home furnishing shows the least share in the year of 2010 and also in 2005, video games show the lowest proportion.

In 2005, the highest percentage of online shops sold out electronic appliance, making up with 35%. In contrast, video games accounted for 18%. Home furnishing and food and drinking items represented nearly same shares, which were 25% and 22% respectively.

In 2010, food and beverages were on the top share, making up with 32%. However, with 2005, it showed less amount of percentage, which was 18%. Home furnishing contributed least share, accounting for 15%, but it was over taken by 10% in 2005. Video games represented approximately one-fourth of total sales.

Word Count: 162

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

shops: 3

percentage: 3

furnishing: 3

share: 3

video: 3

games: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main features of the pie charts and provides relevant data. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported (e.g., the years mentioned in the introduction and body paragraphs). To improve, ensure that all data cited is accurate and that the years are correctly identified. Also, avoid using informal language such as 'sold out high percentage'. Finally, the organization could be improved by grouping comparisons more effectively.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally organized with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs for each year. However, the flow could be improved with clearer transitions between sentences and ideas. The overview could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main trends more effectively. Consider using cohesive devices more strategically to guide the reader through the information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'sold out high percentage,' try more specific phrases like 'accounted for the largest proportion' or 'experienced the highest sales volume.' Expanding your range of vocabulary related to sales figures and proportions would enhance the report. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, 'Home furnishing shows the least share' should be 'Home furnishing showed the least share' or 'Home furnishings had the smallest share.' Also, 'making up with 35%' should be 'making up 35%.' Pay close attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of prepositions. Proofreading carefully for these errors will improve the accuracy of your writing.

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