Pie Chart

Band 5+: The graph below shows the online sales for the different retails sectors in America for the year 2008,2010. Write a report to the university lecturer describing the charts.

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The image includes two pie charts detailing the percentage distribution of online retail sector sales in America for 2005 and 2010: In 2005, Electronics & Appliance comprise 35%, Food & Beverage 22%, Home Furnishings 25%, Video Games 18%; In 2010, Electronics & Appliance account for 30%, Food & Beverage 32%, Home Furnishings 15%, Video Games 23%.

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The pie chart illustrates two online sales for the retails sectors in the years of 2005 and 2010 in the Usa.

Overall, the given pie chart depicts different sectors of retail which was used in online sales such as electronic and appliance, food and beverage, home furnishings, and video games. Notably, the big amount of persentage given with 35% in the sector of electronic and appliance in the year of 2005. However, food and beverage was little higher with 32% in 2010.

Though the sector of electronic and appliance was preserved its peak with 35%, consistently home furnishings were the second place with 25% in 2005. There were just slightly difference between video games and food & beverage with 4 persentage points which was 18% in video games and 22% in food & beverage in 2005.

There was merely difference between food & beverage and electronic & appliance with 2 persentage points, but apparently, the lowest persentage was located in the sector of home furnishings with 15% in 2010. Video games was placed after the home furnishings with 8 persentage points up in 2010.

Word Count: 184

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

beverage: 5

persentage: 5

electronic: 4

appliance: 4

furnishings: 4

video: 4

games: 4

&: 4

sector: 3

points: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the task but contains some inaccuracies and a lack of clarity. The organization is present but could be improved with more distinct paragraphs focusing on specific comparisons or trends. To improve, focus on providing more precise data and avoid vague language. Also, ensure that the key features and changes between the two years are clearly highlighted and supported by specific figures.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat clear, but the flow of information could be improved. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, transition words like 'similarly,' 'in contrast,' or 'furthermore' could enhance the connections between different observations. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clear aspect of the data to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. Try to incorporate more specific vocabulary related to trends and changes in data, such as 'increased,' 'decreased,' 'fluctuated,' or 'remained stable.' Also, avoid informal language and aim for a more academic tone throughout the report.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Review basic grammar rules and proofread carefully to minimize these errors. Additionally, vary your sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

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