Bar Chart

Band 4+: The graph below shows the participation of Australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The graph below shows the participation of Australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image is a bar chart with categories of sports on the x-axis and percentage on the y-axis ranging from 0 to 25 in increments of 5; two sets of bars indicate percentages for Boys and Girls in each sport category respectively. Swimming: Boys approximately 17%, Girls 22%; Football: Boys 25%, Girls 5%; Netball: Boys 8%, Girls approximately 23%; Basketball: Boys 10%, Girls approximately 13%; No sports: Boys 5%, Girls approximately 6%.

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The bar graph compares how much boy and girls were played to four different types of activities in 2010. Overall, the football and the basketball played far more boys than girls, opposite was right for the swimming and netball

In 2010, 25% boys spent their time for playing football in Australia, and that point was become popular in that year. However, almost 5% girls played football game in Australian schools during the in 2010. But about 18% girls spent time for netball, while boys had the lowest percentages, it was about 3%

In contrast, girls were active but spend their time for activities more than boys. 15% girls participated swimming sport. But boys were not attend to swimming, morely. About 13% boys attended to the swimming sports in 2010. Furtheremore, the basketball played by both game participants, they were similar but about 8% boys attented basketball and girls were on the contrary, they showed about 6% results. In addition, 5% girls and about 4% boys were not play all activities in Australian schools during the 2010.

Word Count: 176

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

girls: 8

about: 6

played: 4

swimming: 4

activities: 3

football: 3

basketball: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some inaccuracies in the data reported and some issues with clarity. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the chart and ensure clear and precise language is used throughout the report.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates some organization, but the flow of information is not always logical. The introduction and overview are present, but the transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Consider using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs effectively. For example, use transition words like 'similarly,' 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'in contrast' more precisely to guide the reader through the comparison. Paragraphing could be improved to group related information more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive. There is a reliance on basic words and phrases, which affects the precision and sophistication of the description. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to sports participation and percentages. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'played,' consider alternatives like 'participated in,' 'engaged in,' or 'were involved in.' Also, use more precise language to describe the data, such as 'a significantly higher percentage' or 'a slightly lower proportion.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentence structure is often simple and lacks complexity. To improve, focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures, such as complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. Pay close attention to proofreading for errors in grammar and punctuation to enhance the overall accuracy of the report.

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