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Band 5+: The graph shows the rates of obesity in men and women in the country of Padonia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The graph shows the rates of obesity in men and women in the country of Padonia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant.

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The image shows a graph titled "Obesity rates in Padonia" with years on the x-axis from 2016 to 2020 and percentage on the y-axis from 0% to 30%. Two lines represent Women and Men. Women's obesity rates are 15% (2016), 16% (2017), 17% (2018), 19% (2019), 23% (2020). Men's rates are 10% (2016), 12% (2017), 13% (2018), 16% (2019), 21% (2020). Both lines show an upward trend over the years.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The graph chart gives information about the rate of chubbyness in men and women of Padonia between 2016 and 2020.

In 2016 the both rate seems quite close to 10 %, but the percentage of women was a bit high. There is a noticeable difference of fattiness of women can be seen in 2017 to 2018 . Which is higher than the rate of the men. As the both percentages are in the same lebel in the middle of 2018 and 2019 but before this obesity of women was increasing slowly. In 2019 there is a slightly changes in the chubbiness of men become suddenly raise a bit and the other one decrease. After that it turns as earlier, it shows the increasing of women than men and both were higher than 20% in 2020.

As we can see the changes between the obesity of men and women was increasing and decreasing slowly in 2018 to 2020.

Word Count: 157

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

women: 6

increasing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies some key trends and makes some comparisons, but it lacks detail and precision. The language used is not always accurate or appropriate ('chubbyness,' 'fattiness,' 'same lebel'). The organization is somewhat unclear, and the summary could be more concise and focused on the main features. To improve, focus on using more precise language, providing specific data points to support your observations, and organizing your report into a clear overview and detailed body paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always smooth. The sentences do not always connect logically, making it difficult to follow the main points. Consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases) to link ideas and improve the flow of the report. Paragraphing could be improved by grouping related ideas together.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive ('rate,' 'percentage,' 'increasing,' 'decreasing'). The use of 'chubbyness' and 'fattiness' is not appropriate for academic writing. Expand your vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise terms to describe the data. For example, instead of 'chubbiness,' use 'obesity' or 'weight gain.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('the both rate seems'), subject-verb agreement issues ('changes...was increasing'), and awkward phrasing ('slightly changes in the chubbiness of men become suddenly raise a bit'). These errors affect the clarity and accuracy of the report. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence structure. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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