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Band 7+: THE greph belows show percentge of men and wopmen aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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The image presents a line graph showing the percentage of the Australian workforce across five industries from 1962 to 2012. In 1962, Services: 40%, Manufacturing: 27%, Agriculture: 17%, Construction: 10%, Mining: 6%. By 1972, Services: 42%, Manufacturing: 26%, Agriculture: 11%, Construction: 10%, Mining: 3%. By 1982, Services: 45%, Manufacturing: 17%, Agriculture: 11%, Construction: 8%, Mining: 2%. By 1992, Services: 52%, Manufacturing: 14%, Agriculture: 8%, Construction: 8%, Mining: 2%. By 2002, Services: 60%, Manufacturing: 11%, Agriculture: 6%, Construction: 8%, Mining: 2%. By 2012, Services: 78%, Manufacturing: 7%, Agriculture: 3%, Construction: 9%, Mining: 2%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The graph illustrates the proportion of employees in five different industries in Australia from 1962 to 2012.

Overall, it can be observed that the services sector dominated and increased gradually over the period, while the figures for manufacturing and agriculture demonstrated a considerable decline. However, the percentages in construction and mining sectors remained unchanged although there was a slight fluctuation in mining.

It is evident that the services sector accounted for over 50% of workforce in 1962 before a steady growth to around 80% in 2012. In contrast, the share of employees in manufacturing fell from nearly 27% in 1962 to exactly 10% in 2012. The figure for agriculture also experienced a gradual decline from 10% to almost 2%.

Turning to the construction sector, the share stood at 10%, which was identical with manufacturing in 2012. Nearly only 1% of workforce were in the mining sector. Then, the figure grew to around 2% in 1992 before going back to 1% in 2002. Eventually, this figure saw a climb to roughly 2% in 2012, being quite similar with agriculture in 2012. pls evaluate my writing task 1 referring to these descriptors

Word Count: 190

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sector: 4

manufacturing: 3

agriculture: 3

figure: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively addresses the task by describing the main trends and key features of the graph. The overall structure is clear, with an introduction, an overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data (e.g., services starting at 40% in 1962, not over 50%; manufacturing ending at 7% in 2012, not 10%; agriculture starting at 17%, not 10%). Additionally, the description of the mining sector's fluctuations could be more precise. To improve, ensure data accuracy and avoid minor omissions, such as the exact percentages for construction and mining in the final year.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is well-structured with a clear overall trend paragraph followed by detailed analysis. The message is easy to follow, and paragraphing is logical. However, there is a minor lapse in cohesion when the writer shifts from discussing manufacturing and agriculture to construction and mining without a clear linking phrase. To improve, consider using transitional phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Meanwhile' more consistently between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with good use of terms like 'dominated', 'gradual decline', and 'fluctuation'. However, there is some repetition (e.g., 'figure' used multiple times) and a few imprecise choices (e.g., 'identical with' should be 'identical to', 'similar with' should be 'similar to'). To enhance lexical range, try using synonyms such as 'proportion', 'percentage', or 'share' more flexibly, and ensure collocations are accurate.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are minor grammatical errors and phrasing issues, such as 'identical with' (should be 'identical to'), 'similar with' (should be 'similar to'), and 'Nearly only 1% of workforce' (should be 'Nearly only 1% of the workforce'). Punctuation is generally correct. To achieve a higher score, proofread for such errors and ensure consistent use of articles and prepositions.

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Band 7+: THE greph belows show percentge of men and wopmen aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Answers On The Same Topic:

THE greph belows show percentge of men and wopmen aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

THE greph belows show percentge of men and wopmen aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

THE greph belows show percentge of men and wopmen aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

THE greph belows show percentge of men and wopmen aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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