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Band 7+: The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

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The image shows the number and purposes of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007: Day trip: Men 50, Women 40; Sports/entertainment: Men 70, Women 60; Visiting friends: Men 150, Women 150; Shopping: Men 100, Women 150; Travelling to work: Men 250, Women 300.

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The given bar chart illustrates how many people travelled for several reasons in a specific European country changed in 2007.

Overall, the number of women travelling for all purposes was higher than that of men, except for ‘day trip’ and ‘work’ purposes. Moreover, the figures for travelling to work were the highest among surveyed reasons, and the opposite was true for day trip purposes.

Looking at men’figures, the number of males making trips for work stood at around 340 thousand, which was the highest figure in the chart. Meanwhile, the figures for ‘shopping’ and ‘visiting friends’ reasons were nearly the same, around 180 thousand men making trips for these purposes. This was followed by sports and entertainment purposes, with the number of men making journeys being approximately 140 thousand. Meanwhile, only 30 thousand of males made day trip in a specific European country.

Returning to the remaining category, around 270 thousand women travelled for shopping compared to approximately 200 thousand of females for ‘work’ and ‘visiting friends’ reasons, marking a gap of around 70 thousand of individuals. Meanwhile, the number of female people making trips for sports and entertainment reasons was around 130 thousand. And only 20 thousand women made day trip, which was the lowest figure among surveyed categories.

Word Count: 210

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

thousand: 9

reasons: 5

around: 5

number: 4

purposes: 4

making: 4

women: 3

trips: 3

meanwhile: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by describing the data and making some comparisons. However, there are several inaccuracies in the data presented (e.g., men travelling to work at 340 thousand instead of 250, shopping at 180 thousand instead of 100, etc.), which detract from the overall accuracy. The overview is somewhat misleading as it states women travelled more for all purposes except day trip and work, but the data shows men also had higher numbers for sports/entertainment. The structure is logical, but the report would benefit from more precise data representation and a clearer, more accurate summary of the main trends.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overall structure, including an introduction, an overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, the flow could be improved. The transition between the two main paragraphs (men and women) is somewhat abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is occasionally repetitive (e.g., 'Meanwhile' is used multiple times). Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to create a smoother connection between ideas and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate and relevant to the task, with some good attempts at paraphrasing (e.g., 'making trips', 'making journeys'). However, there is some repetition (e.g., 'travelled', 'making trips') and a few awkward or imprecise phrases (e.g., 'how many people travelled... changed', 'the opposite was true for day trip purposes'). To improve, aim for more sophisticated and varied vocabulary, such as 'commuting', 'leisure activities', or 'social visits', and ensure phrasing is natural and precise.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and comparisons. However, there are some noticeable errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity. For example, 'how many people travelled... changed' is grammatically incorrect, and 'men'figures' contains a punctuation error. Additionally, some sentences are overly long or convoluted. To improve, focus on proofreading for punctuation and subject-verb agreement, and aim for clearer, more concise sentence structures.

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Band 7+: The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

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Answers On The Same Topic:

The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

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