Pie Chart

Band 5+: The pie chart below shows the distribution of global smartphone sales by brand in 2023.

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The image shows a pie chart of global smartphone market share for 2023, detailing Apple at 30.0%, Samsung at 23.0%, Xiaomi at 20.0%, Oppo at 15.0%, and OnePlus at 12.0%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie chart gives information about the percentage of sales of mobile phone brands in the world in the period of 2023.

Overall, Apple company had become the market leader during the period given. Whereas OnePlus had the lowest share among other tech companies.

Looking into more details, Apple had had the largest revenue, which accounted for 30% of worldwide share, while Samsung was the second highest sales, made up lower by 5% from the previous brand, which constituted a quarter of the proportion.

Turning to the other manufacturers, Xiaomi brand smartphone had been sold globally which constituted one-fifth, making it the third biggest mobile phone brand that has been purchased. In addition, exact 15% of global smartphone sales had been shared by Oppo brand within the period. Finally, the lowest share was given by OnePlus, which just made up one in ten, lower of 20% from the market leader.

Word Count: 150

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

which: 4

brand: 4

sales: 3

period: 3

share: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main features of the pie chart and provides a clear overview of the market leaders and the smallest share. Comparisons between the brands are made, which is essential for this task. To improve, ensure that mathematical comparisons are accurate; for example, the difference between the market leader (30%) and the lowest share (12%) is 18%, not 20%. Additionally, try to vary your grammatical structures and avoid repetitive phrasing when describing percentages.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs. However, the cohesion is weakened by several sentence fragments and awkward transitions. For instance, starting a sentence with 'Whereas' in the overview creates a fragment rather than a complete thought. To improve, ensure that connecting words like 'whereas' or 'while' are used to join two clauses within a single sentence rather than starting a new one. Additionally, the flow between sentences in the body paragraphs could be smoother by using more varied cohesive devices.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is sufficient to convey the basic information, but there is significant repetition and some imprecise word choices. Phrases such as 'the previous brand' or 'the third biggest mobile phone brand that has been purchased' are somewhat wordy and unnatural. There are also instances where the word choice is slightly inaccurate, such as using 'revenue' when the chart specifically refers to 'sales share' (market share and revenue are different concepts). Aim to use a wider range of synonyms for 'share' (e.g., portion, percentage, segment) and 'brand' (e.g., manufacturer, vendor, company) to avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical accuracy is a significant area for improvement. There is frequent misuse of verb tenses, particularly the over-use of the past perfect ('had become', 'had had', 'had been sold'), which is unnecessary for describing static data from a specific year. The simple past tense is generally more appropriate for reporting completed historical data. Furthermore, there are several errors in sentence structure and phrasing (e.g., 'made up lower by 5% from the previous brand' and 'which just made up one in ten, lower of 20% from the market leader'). Focus on mastering comparative structures and ensuring that every sentence has a clear subject and predicate.

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Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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