Pie Chart

Band 5+: The charts below show the share of the swiss market by brand in 2020 and 2021.

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The image displays two pie charts depicting percentages for various categories, specifically mobile phone, laptop, tablet, desktop computer, flat-screen TV, and conventional TV for the years 2009 and 2019; in 2009, mobile phone is 15%, laptop 20%, tablet 19%, desktop computer 8%, flat-screen TV 18%, conventional TV 34%; in 2019, mobile phone is 27%, laptop 12%, tablet 12%, desktop computer 8%, flat-screen TV 19%, conventional TV 26%.

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The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of the Swiss Watch market by brand between 2020 and 2021.

Overall, mobile phone was increase over the years, while conventional TVs and a laptop was decrease the end of the period. Similarly, a tablet and a mobile phone had also rose considerably by the end of the period.

Looking at the details, in 2020, a conventional TV had the highest proportion at 34%, before this figure decreased significantly to 4% in 2021. Moreover, the laptop accounted for 20% initially, and then fell to 12%. Likewise, the desktop computer also dropped slightly from 18% to 12% between 2020 and 2021

Turning to the remaining categories, the mobile phone rose dramatically from 8% to 27% between 2020 and 2021. The tablet also climed at 5% to 19%. The flat-screen TV most significant increase, from 8% to 27% between 2020 and 2021. In 2020, conventional TV had the most noticeable increase, while mobile phones had the most noticeable increase in 2021.

Word Count: 166

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

between: 4

mobile: 4

increase: 4

phone: 3

conventional: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and inconsistencies. The overall trend is described, but specific data is often incorrect or contradictory (e.g., conventional TV is said to decrease to 4% in 2021, but the visual description indicates 26%; mobile phone is said to rise from 8% to 27%, but the description shows 15% to 27%). Additionally, some categories are confused (e.g., desktop computer and flat-screen TV percentages are mixed up). The report also includes irrelevant or incorrect statements, such as mentioning 'Swiss Watch market' instead of the actual categories, and the final sentence is unclear. To improve, ensure accurate data representation, avoid contradictions, and clearly summarize the main trends without introducing irrelevant information.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction, an overview, and two body paragraphs. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by unclear referencing and inaccurate data presentation. For example, the overview mentions 'mobile phone was increase' and 'a laptop was decrease', which is confusing. Additionally, the final sentence is repetitive and does not add new information. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the overview accurately summarizes the main trends without repeating details. Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between sentences.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary for describing trends (e.g., 'increased', 'decreased', 'rose', 'fell', 'dropped', 'climbed'). However, there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'mobile phone was increase', 'a laptop was decrease', and 'the flat-screen TV most significant increase'. The word 'climed' is a spelling error for 'climbed'. To improve, use a wider range of precise vocabulary (e.g., 'witnessed a rise', 'experienced a decline', 'remained stable') and ensure correct word forms and collocations. Avoid informal or incorrect expressions. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, 'mobile phone was increase' should be 'the mobile phone increased', and 'a laptop was decrease' should be 'the laptop decreased'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., 'a conventional TV' vs. 'conventional TVs'). The sentence 'The flat-screen TV most significant increase' is missing a verb. To improve, practice using a variety of sentence structures, ensure subject-verb agreement, and proofread for common errors. Using more complex structures, such as relative clauses or passive voice, would also enhance grammatical range.

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