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Band 7+: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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Image for topic: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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The image displays a bar graph representing the percentage of workforce in 1989 and 2009 in six industries: Tourism, Education, Health care, Retail, Manufacturing, and Construction. In 1989, Tourism had 5.5%, Education 7.5%, Health care 7.3%, Retail 7.0%, Manufacturing 15.9%, and Construction 11%. In 2009, Tourism increased to 6.7%, Education to 8.3%, Health care to 11%, Retail to 10%, Manufacturing decreased to 10%, and Construction to 9%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The table shows the proportion of workers employed in six sectors in Australia in the years 1989 and 2009.

Overall, the figures for manufacturing and retail experienced a decline, while those of the remaining sectors showed an upward trend.

In 1989, 15% and 11.8% people worked in the manufacturing and retail industries, respectively. Over the following two decades, the former’s rate dropped significantly to 9.8% in 2009. Meanwhile, there was a slight decrease to 10.1% in the retail industry.

By contrast, the other sectors exhibited an increase in employment. The healthcare industry started the period as the third largest employeer with 9.6%, after which this number grew gradually to 11.3%. As a result this sector surpassed the manufacturing and retail industries in terms of workforce rate. Turning to construction and education, they increased steadily from 7.6% and 6.8% in 1989 to 8.3% and 7.5% in 2009, respectively. Although the tourism sector saw consistent growth, increasing from 5.5% to 7.3%, it remained the lowest employeer in both years.

Word Count: 167

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

retail: 4

sectors: 3

manufacturing: 3

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Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task by summarizing the information presented in the table. The overview is clear, and the main trends are identified. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data cited from the table. For instance, the report mentions 11.8% for retail in 1989, while the visual description states 7.0%. Similarly, other figures are slightly off. To improve, ensure all data cited is accurate and directly reflects the information provided in the table. Also, the report could benefit from a more structured comparison, perhaps grouping industries by similar trends or magnitudes of change to enhance clarity and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overall structure. The information is presented logically, and the use of cohesive devices is adequate. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved with more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, appropriate for the task. The choice of words is generally accurate, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated language to describe the trends and data. For instance, instead of 'showed an upward trend,' consider using more specific terms like 'experienced substantial growth' or 'saw a marked increase.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. While there are only minor grammatical errors, attention to detail in proofreading could further enhance the accuracy. Ensure that verb tenses are consistent and that subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout the report. Pay close attention to the correct use of articles and prepositions.

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