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Band 5+: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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Image for topic: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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The image displays a bar graph representing the percentage of workforce in 1989 and 2009 in six industries: Tourism, Education, Health care, Retail, Manufacturing, and Construction. In 1989, Tourism had 5.5%, Education 7.5%, Health care 7.3%, Retail 7.0%, Manufacturing 15.9%, and Construction 11%. In 2009, Tourism increased to 6.7%, Education to 8.3%, Health care to 11%, Retail to 10%, Manufacturing decreased to 10%, and Construction to 9%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The table illustrates the proportion of workers employed in six different industries, which are Manufacturing, Retail, Health care, Construction, Education and Tourism.

Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of workers employed in manufacturing and Retail increased, however in all other given industries showed an increased trend.

The highest proportion of staff employed in Manufacturing in 1989, which was approximately 15%. This figure decreased moderately and reached almost 9.8% in 2009. 11.8% workers got job in retail sector in 1989, but this figure fell into 10.1% in 2009.

On the other hand, the percentage of workforce employed in Health was 9.6%, moreover this figure increased gradually 11.3% in 2009, which was the highest in 2009.The proportion of workers, who got job in Education and Tourism showed an upward trend. 6.8% people got job in education and this number increased to 7.5% in 2009. In 1989, 5.5% worker employed in tourism and it is interesting to note that, this figure grew 7.3% in 2009.

Word Count: 164

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

employed: 5

workers: 4

increased: 4

figure: 4

proportion: 3

which: 3

manufacturing: 3

retail: 3

education: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some inaccuracies in the data presented and some issues with organization. For example, the overview makes an incorrect statement about Retail increasing. The report would benefit from more accurate data reporting and a clearer structure, perhaps grouping industries by whether they increased or decreased in employment percentage. Also, ensure correct tense usage and avoid informal language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The overview is not entirely accurate, stating that manufacturing and retail increased when manufacturing actually decreased. The report would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more logical flow of information. For example, grouping industries with similar trends together could improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. Some phrases are a bit awkward (e.g., 'got job in'). Using more specific and sophisticated vocabulary related to employment trends and industry sectors would enhance the report. For instance, instead of 'increased trend,' consider 'experienced growth' or 'saw an upward trajectory.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. For example, 'increased' should be 'decreased' in the overview for the manufacturing sector. Correcting these errors and ensuring accurate sentence structure would significantly improve the report's grammatical accuracy.

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