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Band 4+: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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Image for topic: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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The image displays a bar graph representing the percentage of workforce in 1989 and 2009 in six industries: Tourism, Education, Health care, Retail, Manufacturing, and Construction. In 1989, Tourism had 5.5%, Education 7.5%, Health care 7.3%, Retail 7.0%, Manufacturing 15.9%, and Construction 11%. In 2009, Tourism increased to 6.7%, Education to 8.3%, Health care to 11%, Retail to 10%, Manufacturing decreased to 10%, and Construction to 9%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The table illustrates the proportion of workforce employed in six different industries in Australia in years between 1989 and 2009.

Overall, the highest proportion thoughout the period is manufacturing, while the lowest percentage is tourism.

In 1989, manufacturing accounted for 15%, however, in 2009, it declined slightly to 9,8%. Furthermore, in 1989, retail industry made up 11,8% and in 2009, decreased for 1,7%, exactly to 10,1%.

In 1989, health care, construction, education and tourism increased in 2009, to compare to manufacturing and retail. Health care went up from 9,6 % to 11,3%. Construction negligible rose from 7.6% to 8.3%. Tourism, education accounted for 5.5%, 6.8% and soared to 7.3% and 7.5%, respectively.

Word Count: 112

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

manufacturing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the main trends and provides a comparison between the two years, which is required for this task. However, there are several inaccuracies in the data reporting (even allowing for the visual description's potential errors) and some awkward phrasing that affects clarity. To improve, ensure that the relationships between numbers are described more precisely (e.g., using 'increased by' instead of 'decreased for') and focus on grouping data more logically to highlight the contrast between growing and declining sectors. Additionally, be careful with punctuation, such as using commas instead of decimal points, which is non-standard in English academic writing. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. To improve, ensure that transitions between sentences are smoother. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with 'In 1989', try to vary your sentence structures to create a more cohesive flow. The grouping of information in the final paragraph is a bit cluttered, making it difficult to follow the comparisons clearly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive. While you use some appropriate terms like 'accounted for' and 'declined', there are instances of incorrect word usage, such as 'negligible rose' (which should be 'rose negligibly') and 'to compare to' (which should be 'compared to'). To reach a higher band, aim to use a wider range of academic synonyms for 'increase' and 'decrease' and ensure that adverbs are used correctly to modify verbs. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical inaccuracies that impact the clarity of the report. Issues include incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'decreased for 1,7%' instead of 'decreased by 1.7%'), punctuation errors (using commas instead of decimal points, which is standard in English), and sentence structure errors. Additionally, the sentence 'Tourism, education accounted for...' is grammatically incomplete. Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct prepositional use.

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