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Band 7+: The table below shows information about department stores and online stores Australia in 2011

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The image shows a table comparing department stores and online stores: Number of business - Department stores: 67, Online stores: 368; Profit (AUD dollars) - Department stores: 807, Online stores: 863; Sales revenue (AUD dollars) - Department stores: 12700, Online stores: 13400; The growth - Department stores: 0.4%, Online stores: 0.6%.

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The chart below provides information regarding department shops and online commercial markets in Australia during 2011.

Overall, even though there was a minor difference in their outcomes, the concept of online shops was spreading wider that year.

Firstly, there were four marks for rating: quantity of businesses, income, sales revenue, and growth. What is absolutely noteworthy is that in this table, the information about money is given in AUD dollars. According to the evidence, the most notable dissimilarity was the number of enterprises. While the total share of departmental stores reached only 67, there were already 368 digital markets, respectively. Conversely, there was a small similarity which referred to the growth. The data reveals that in 2011, the growth of departmental enterprises was 0.4 percent, meanwhile, the increase of online markets was higher by 0.2 percent, respectively.

Regarding profit and sales revenue, the department stores gained 807 dollars as an income and 12,700 dollars as revenue. Finally, the online stores got 863 dollars as an increase and 13,400 dollars as revenue.

Word Count: 171

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

dollars: 5

online: 4

there: 4

revenue: 4

markets: 3

growth: 3

stores: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, presenting the key data points from the table. The overall trends are identified, and specific figures are included to support the description. To improve, focus on enhancing the organization and flow of information. Consider grouping related data points together more effectively and using more varied language to describe the comparisons and contrasts. Also, ensure that all units are consistently mentioned to avoid ambiguity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an overview and specific details. However, the transition between some sentences could be smoother to enhance the flow. For example, in the third paragraph, the connection between the discussion of growth and the preceding information could be more explicit. Consider using cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and improve the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, appropriate for the task. Terms like 'dissimilarity,' 'respectively,' and 'noteworthy' are used effectively. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication of the language by incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary related to business and economics. For instance, instead of 'income' and 'revenue,' consider using more specific terms where appropriate to showcase a deeper understanding.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. While there are only a few errors, attention to detail in sentence construction and word choice could further improve accuracy. For example, ensure subject-verb agreement and use articles correctly. Reviewing and editing the report carefully can help eliminate these minor errors and enhance the overall grammatical accuracy.

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