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Band 6+: The table below shows information about department stores and online stores Australia in 2011

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The image shows a table comparing department stores and online stores: Number of business - Department stores: 67, Online stores: 368; Profit (AUD dollars) - Department stores: 807, Online stores: 863; Sales revenue (AUD dollars) - Department stores: 12700, Online stores: 13400; The growth - Department stores: 0.4%, Online stores: 0.6%.

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The chart below provides information regarding department shops and online commercial markets in Australia, during the 2011.

Overall, even though there was minor difference in their outcomes, that year the concept of online shops was spreading wider.

Firstly, there were four marks for rating : Quantity of businesses , income, sales revenue, the growth. What is absolutely noteworthy, in this table, the information about money is given in AUD dollars. According to the evidence, the most notable dissimilarity was the number of enterprises. While the total share of departamental stores reached only 67, there were already 368 digital markets, repsectively. Conversely, there was a small similarity which referred to the growth. The data reveals that in 2011, the growth of departamental enterprises was 0.4 percent, meanwhile, the increase of online markets was higher by 0.2 percent, respectively.

Regarding profit and sales revenue, the department stores gained 807 dollar as an income, and 12700 dollars as a revenue. Finally, the online stores got 863 dollars as an increase, and 13400 dollars as a revenue.

Word Count: 173

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

online: 4

there: 4

revenue: 4

dollars: 4

markets: 3

growth: 3

stores: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately covers the requirements of the task, presenting the key data points from the table. The overall trends are identified, and specific figures are included to support the analysis. However, there are some areas for improvement. The language could be more precise and varied, and the structure could be slightly more cohesive. For example, the introduction could be more concise, and the body paragraphs could be organized more thematically rather than simply listing the data categories. Also, avoid using the same word multiple times in a sentence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally understandable, but the organization could be improved. The introduction and overall statement are present, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. The flow of information could be smoother with better use of cohesive devices. Consider grouping similar data points together and using transition words to connect ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. Some phrases are a bit awkward or could be expressed more concisely. For example, 'Quantity of businesses' could be rephrased as 'Number of businesses'. Try to incorporate more specific and sophisticated vocabulary related to business and economics.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with article usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, 'the concept of online shops was spreading wider' could be improved. Focus on proofreading carefully for these types of errors and varying your sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical control.

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The table below shows information about department stores and online stores Australia in 2011

The chart below provides information regarding department shops and online commercial markets in Australia during 2011. Overall, even though there was a minor difference in their outcomes, the concept of online shops was spreading wider that year. Firstly, there were four marks for rating: quantity of businesses, income, sales revenue, and growth. What is absolutely […]

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The table below shows information about department stores and online stores Australia in 2011

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