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Band 4+: The table gragh compares the proportion of people in Australia using online services for different purposes by age groups.

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Image for topic: The table gragh compares the proportion of people in Australia using online services for different purposes by age groups.

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The image presents the percentage of using online services in Australia classified by age and purpose detailing: Academic study at ages 11-19, 36%; 20-29, 31%; 30-39, 27%; 40 and over, 18%; E-banking at ages 11-19, 2%; 20-29, 5%; 30-39, 11%; 40 and over, 20%; E-mail at ages 11-19, 40%; 20-29, 41%; 30-39, 41%; 40 and over, 38%; Online shopping at ages 11-19, 5%; 20-29, 15%; 30-39, 15%; 40 and over, 20%; Online chatting at ages 11-19, 15%; 20-29, 12%; 30-39, 5%; 40 and over, 3%; Other purposes at ages 11-19, 2%; 20-29, 3%; 30-39, 1%; 40 and over, 1%.

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The table graph shows procent of how many people in Australia using online services.

Nowadays online shopping is very popular. They’re a lot of this websites, there we can buy all things that we want.

People at the age since 11 to 19 and 20 to 29 very often use e-mail, because of often chatting with their friends and also moreover they use website to academic study, the reason of this that, nowadays we have a lot of information in all internet for our study. Of course people use another services, but people don’t use they very often that another one.

Individuals of the period 30 to 39 in addition 40 and over, they use that services such as, e-mail, academic study, e-banking and online shopping. In my opinion the person’s at this ages use e-banking more than younger people in case of that they pay the bills for communal room than young persons. And they do online shopping because some people at the age over the 40, don’t like to go anywhere.

In addition with all that, we compared all generation in Australia, how they use online services in their lifes.

Word Count: 192

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

online: 5

shopping: 3

often: 3

study: 3

services: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but includes irrelevant and inaccurate information. The response is more descriptive than analytical, and the structure is not well-organized. To improve, focus on summarizing the key trends and differences in the data, and organize the information into clear paragraphs with specific points supported by the data. Avoid personal opinions and focus on objective reporting.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and paragraphing. The ideas are not presented in a logical order, making it difficult to follow the main points. Consider organizing the information by purpose or age group to improve coherence. The use of cohesive devices is limited, resulting in abrupt transitions between sentences and ideas. Improve the flow of your writing by using transition words and phrases to connect related ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and lacks precision. There is a reliance on simple words and phrases, which limits the ability to convey complex information effectively. Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and more specific terms related to the topic. The report contains some inaccuracies in word choice and usage. Pay attention to the correct usage of words and phrases to avoid errors in meaning.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and errors in sentence structure. These errors significantly impact the clarity and accuracy of the writing. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. The range of grammatical structures used is limited, resulting in repetitive and monotonous writing. Practice using a variety of sentence types and grammatical constructions to improve the complexity and sophistication of your writing.

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