Letter

Band 5+: We have recently moved to a new neighborhood and noticed that our local park is in need of maintenance. Write a letter to the local council to express your concern in your letter. Explain who you are and your connection to the area. Describe the issues with the park and suggest what could be done to improve it.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my concern about the present condition of BP Park located at Central Area near the Nilkantha High School.

Firstly, I am a new resident of this city, Dhadingbesi. Before two months, I had moved in this community and registered as a member of the society. Currently, I am working in Nilkantha municipality as a government employee and a responsible citizen of this country.

I would like to inform you that BP Park is a common place for local people to spend their leisure time and feel relaxed. However, the boundary fencing of this park is in vulnerable condition. Most of the fencing wires are in broken condition and some of holding posts are collapsed on the ground. This situation not only risks to the visitor’s health but also degrade the appearance of park. Moreover, this carelessness has a serious effect on school children of nearby high school.

With the above circumstances, I would like to suggest that maintenance of fencing lines is essential. This can be done through call a voluntary campaign to the local people or create work order through council office. Additionally, make alert the Park Management Committee for proper management.

I hope this small effort can change open space for people and help prosperous society.

I look forward to your positive response.

Your faithfully,

Ramji

Word Count: 227

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

condition: 3

people: 3

fencing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter adequately addresses the task by expressing concern about the park's condition, explaining the writer's connection to the area, describing the issues, and suggesting improvements. However, there are some areas for improvement. To enhance the letter, consider providing more specific details about the issues in the park and elaborating on the suggested improvements. For instance, instead of just saying "the boundary fencing of this park is in vulnerable condition," you could describe specific instances of damage or disrepair. Similarly, when suggesting improvements, provide more concrete actions that could be taken. Also, pay attention to the tone and register to ensure they are consistently formal and professional.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally coherent and organized, but there are some areas where the flow could be improved. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. For example, in the third paragraph, the transition to discussing the impact on school children could be clearer. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Try to incorporate more specific and descriptive words to paint a clearer picture of the park's condition. For instance, instead of 'vulnerable condition,' you could describe the fencing as 'dilapidated' or 'deteriorating.' Also, be mindful of word choice to ensure it fits the context; for example, 'call a voluntary campaign' could be rephrased as 'organize a volunteer campaign.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles. For example, 'some of holding posts are collapsed' should be 'some of the holding posts have collapsed.' Also, review sentence structure to ensure it is grammatically sound and easy to understand. Consistent proofreading can help minimize these errors.

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