Letter

Band 5+: You are a member of a local sports club. The club has recently become very crowded, and you are unhappy with the situation. Write a letter to the club manager complaining about the overcrowding. In your letter: describe the problem in detail; explain how it affects your enjoyment of the club; propose a solution to the problem.

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Dear Mr. Smith

I wanted to let you know about dissatisfaction with changes that have recently been made to the club, which have caused considerable inconvenience.

I were more likely to join to your club in order to become fit and socialise with other people as your club provides me with modern sport facilities and a traditional café where I can interact with other people with different cultural backgrounds and improve my interpersonal skill. Therefore, I chose your remarkable club.

However, some changes made me dissatisfied, including demolishing the café and closing bathroom as I used to go to bathroom after working out and spend quality time with my friends at the café. Moreover, the club’s timetable was changed significantly, making it difficult to arrange my work hours with it. As a result, I can not come to the club regularly.

I was wondering if you could take appropriate action to address the problems because they have had a positive impact on the club reputation and increased critics regarding recent changes.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Mohammadreza Hadavi Bavil

Word Count: 190

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

café: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses all three bullet points: it explains why you joined the club, describes the changes you are unhappy about, and suggests what the manager could do. However, there are some inaccuracies and unclear expressions that detract from the overall effectiveness. For example, the phrase 'they have had a positive impact on the club reputation' seems to contradict your negative feelings, and the suggestion for improvement is vague. To improve, make your suggestion more specific and ensure your language clearly conveys your dissatisfaction. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and word choice, such as 'I were more likely to join' and 'closing bathroom,' to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with cohesion and logical flow. For example, the phrase 'I were more likely to join to your club' is awkward and disrupts the flow. Additionally, the sentence 'I was wondering if you could take appropriate action to address the problems because they have had a positive impact on the club reputation and increased critics regarding recent changes' is confusing because it says the problems have had a positive impact, which contradicts the intended meaning. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas.

Lexical Resource

The letter uses a range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, such as 'dissatisfaction', 'considerable inconvenience', 'demolishing', and 'interact'. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'join to your club' (should be 'join your club') and 'improve my interpersonal skill' (should be 'improve my interpersonal skills'). Additionally, 'closing bathroom' is not idiomatic; it should be 'closing the bathroom'. To achieve a higher score, use more precise and natural vocabulary, and ensure collocations are correct.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'I were more likely' should be 'I was more likely', and 'join to your club' should be 'join your club'. Also, 'closing bathroom' should be 'closing the bathroom', and 'I can not' should be 'I cannot'. The sentence 'they have had a positive impact on the club reputation and increased critics' is grammatically incorrect and unclear; it should be 'they have had a negative impact on the club's reputation and increased criticism'. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofreading for these errors will enhance accuracy.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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