Opinion

Band 6+: 📝 TASK 2: Experts say older people were happier and healthier in past because they did exercise and spent more time with their family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the reasons and what are the solutions?

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Isolation and health impairments have emerged as a serious issue among the aging population. While this is largely driven by lack of social interaction and sedentary lifestyle, this issue can be tackled by a number of feasible steps.

Loneliness and problems with health stem from a variety of sources, with social contact deficiency standing out as a major driver. In the past, individuals lived in extended families, but nowadays it is common for younger generation to move away from their parents for different purposes such as education, work or starting a new family. As a result, elderly people live alone and feel lonely. Another factor comes into play is the sedentary lifestyle. As many old people retire, they mostly have nothing to be engaged with. They spend most of their time watching TV. Consequently, this lifestyle shapes various health issues like obesity, back or neck pain.

One promising solution lies in establishment of awareness raising campaigns about the value of older generation for people’s life. Creating educational videos or podcasts about spending more time with elderly instead of wasting it to social media apps and promote them in the same way as advertisements in social media apps, so they reach target audience. Subsequently, people come to realization about the significance of social bonds and devoting some time for older people prevent them suffer from being alone. Promoting physically active lifestyle for retirees can also go a long way to alleviate the problem. Neighborhood communities are in better position to provide elderly with various clubs, sport trainings and sessions so they can stay active physically. In some countries, there are special sections in public gyms for old individuals to train and be part of community.

To sum up, suffering from being alone and certain health problems remain as a pressing issue especially for older generation. Only when individuals are well-informed about value of family connections and elders are provided by after retirement programs will the issue be remedied.

Word Count: 327

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

social: 5

health: 4

issue: 4

lifestyle: 4

people: 4

about: 4

individuals: 3

generation: 3

elderly: 3

alone: 3

older: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified the causes (the shift from extended to nuclear families and sedentary lifestyles) and provided logical solutions (awareness campaigns and community-based physical activities). The position is consistent throughout the response. To reach a higher score, ensure that the development of ideas is even more seamless; for instance, in the second body paragraph, the connection between social media usage and the lack of time spent with elders could be more tightly integrated into the argument to avoid a slight sense of fragmentation. Additionally, refining some grammatical nuances regarding article usage and prepositional phrases would enhance the overall polish.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both causes and solutions, and a concise conclusion. The progression of ideas is easy to follow. However, some cohesive devices and transitions could be more sophisticated. For instance, the transition between the cause of loneliness and the cause of sedentary lifestyle could be smoother. Additionally, some sentences are slightly long and could benefit from better punctuation to ensure the flow remains effortless for the reader.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'sedentary lifestyle,' 'social contact deficiency,' 'alleviate the problem,' and 'pressing issue.' To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more sophisticated collocations and avoid repetitive phrasing (e.g., the repeated use of 'social media apps'). Aim for more precise word choices to express complex ideas more naturally. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that occasionally hinder the flow. Specifically, pay attention to article usage (e.g., 'the younger generation,' 'the establishment of'), subject-verb agreement, and prepositional accuracy (e.g., 'prevent them from suffering' instead of 'prevent them suffer'). There are also some issues with sentence fragments, particularly in the second body paragraph where a sentence starting with 'Creating educational videos...' lacks a main verb to complete the thought. Refining these areas will significantly improve the overall clarity and professional tone of your writing.

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