Opinion

Band 7+: 📝 TASK 2: Experts say older people were happier and healthier in past because they did exercise and spent more time with their family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the reasons and what are the solutions?

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A significant number of senior citizens have been fighting loneliness and health issues in recent years. According to experts, they lived happier, healthier lives than they do now because they worked out more and could live with family members and peers. Although they spend more time, they feel unhappy and suffer from health problems. There are several reasons, and the following paragraphs demonstrate some solutions to them.

First of all, nowadays the older generation has fewer family members and friends compared to the past, and missing them might be one of the reasons that makes them feel alone. Thinking too much about them may bring various heart problems. The best solution for this situation is not to let them get depressed. Instead, we assist in creating an environment where they live more happily and remember their friends and past days via memories and photos.

Secondly, they trained a lot to stay healthier, that burnt much energy and was not covered on time. As a result, doing exercises regularly craved the energy deficit and gradually develop health issues. Now, it causes mental problems, and they are unable to do what they want to do. The more they try to do something, the more they feel sad due to their inability. Therefore, we help them in aspects of their lives.

In conclusion, many senior citizens are living lonely and combating many health obstacles owing to missing their family members and lovely friends as time passes. The solutions I offer help them to remember loved ones by sharing memories and photos, and not letting them feel out of energy and motivation.

Word Count: 268

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

health: 4

their: 4

family: 3

members: 3

problems: 3

friends: 3

energy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions related to loneliness and health problems in older people. However, the response is incomplete and lacks clarity in several areas. The causes are not clearly linked to the prompt's premise (less exercise and less time with family/friends), and the solutions are vague and underdeveloped. The position is present but not consistently clear. To improve, ensure each paragraph clearly states a cause and a corresponding solution, provide specific examples or explanations, and directly connect ideas to the prompt. Also, avoid ambiguous statements and improve the logical flow of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The progression of ideas is generally smooth, and paragraphing is appropriate. However, some transitions between ideas could be more seamless, and the link between the causes and solutions in the second body paragraph could be clearer. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'as a result') to enhance the flow and make the relationship between points more explicit.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'senior citizens', 'loneliness', 'health issues', 'energy deficit'). There is some attempt at less common vocabulary, but a few phrases are slightly awkward or informal (e.g., 'craved the energy deficit', 'not letting them feel out of energy'). To achieve a higher score, aim for more precise and natural collocations, and avoid literal translations. For example, instead of 'craved the energy deficit', use 'led to an energy deficit' or 'resulted in a lack of energy'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional forms. Grammar is largely accurate, with only minor issues that do not impede understanding. For instance, 'Although they spend more time, they feel unhappy' could be rephrased for clarity. Overall, the grammar is controlled and appropriate, but to reach a band 9, ensure that every sentence is fully accurate and that punctuation is consistently correct.

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