Opinion

Band 6+: Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and to look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

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Nowadays, advertising have a strong impact on people’s lives. They discourage us from being different and look similar to each other. From my perspective, I totally agree with this statement, because the influence advertisements have on individuals is that they prevent people from being unique by promoting products of big brand companies and buys advertisements from celebrities and influencers.

It is true that adverts do make people want to be and look the same. Firstly, many individuals have a tendency to follow passing trends. Therefore, when a newly released item produced by a well-known and prestigious brand advertised, they would be highly likely to purchase it in order to look more elegant and fashionable. As a result, buying and utilizing similar products, people would eventually end up looking exactly like others. Another reason for this is that celebrity advertisements influence more young people than adults. This is because young people would be promoted to buy things advertised by their favorite celebrity with an idea that they would be able to support and look like their idols.

Additionally, short videos posted on social medias are continually exposed, causing people’s brain to have delayed reactions and be easily brainwashed.

To conclude, advertisements discourage people from being unique, by encouraging them to be the same and have same appearance. I completely agree with the statement, because advertising persuades people to buy the same product as their favorite celebrities, who promote the items.

Word Count: 239

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

advertisements: 4

would: 4

being: 3

because: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, the ideas, while relevant, lack sufficient clarity and development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the reasoning behind your claims. For instance, when discussing celebrity endorsements, explain in more detail how this leads to a desire for sameness. Also, the point about social media videos needs further explanation to connect it directly to the argument about discouraging individuality. Strengthening the connections between your ideas and providing more concrete evidence will enhance the essay's persuasiveness. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a generally clear progression of ideas, but the connections between some sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow and clarity of your arguments. For example, in the second paragraph, explicitly linking the desire to look 'elegant and fashionable' to the overall argument about sameness would enhance coherence. The third paragraph is underdeveloped and lacks clear connection to the main argument. Expanding on this point and providing specific examples would improve the essay's overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are opportunities to enhance precision and sophistication. For instance, instead of 'have a strong impact,' consider using more nuanced phrases like 'exert a considerable influence' or 'significantly shape.' Varying your word choice and incorporating more specific vocabulary related to advertising and consumer behavior would elevate the lexical quality of your essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a fair command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. For example, 'advertising have' should be 'advertising has.' Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. While the range of sentence structures is adequate, incorporating more complex sentences would showcase greater grammatical flexibility. Review and correct grammatical errors to improve the overall accuracy of your writing.

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