Positive And Negative

Band 5+: An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many people, especially girls, have cosmetic surgery for development and high self-esteem. When I go for a walk, I usually notice difference between natural beauty and appearance after surgery. Why is this happening more and more in our society?

After social media’s huge impact people started to think about their appearance more and to search for negative sides of their beauty. Also, we massively started to see many attractive girls and boys in Internet platforms. For example, one girl had cosmetic surgery, her friend had seen that and decided to change her face too. So, that loop has started to spread.

However, cosmetic surgery has a lot of negative aspects. At first, it can be harmful for health. It depends on clinic and reabilitation. Also, people lose their piece of identity and natural beauty. Year by year, there are more and more girls with the same lips, lashes, noses and so on. In my opinion, natural beauty is more valuable, because our appearance was given by God.

But, surgery is useful sometimes. It definitely can help people who has troubles with appearance like, for example, a broken nose. Also, if a person feels happier after changes and it improves his life in a positive way, it is really good and that person doesn’t make a mistake.

In conclusion, I want to say that nowadays cosmetic surgery is popular because of social media. People choose to change their body, because they have low self-esteem or feel pressure in their society.

Word Count: 250

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

surgery: 6

people: 5

their: 5

cosmetic: 4

beauty: 4

appearance: 4

girls: 3

natural: 3

started: 3

because: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have identified a cause (social media) and provided an opinion on whether it is positive or negative. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. The response presents a balanced view, but the arguments lack depth and specific extension. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of surgery is quite brief and could be more thoroughly integrated into your overall stance. To improve, try to expand on your main points with more detailed explanations rather than just listing examples. Instead of just saying surgery can be harmful to health, explain *why* or *how* (e.g., risks of infection or complications from anesthesia). Additionally, ensure your position is consistent throughout the essay; while you acknowledge both sides, your conclusion should clearly reflect whether you believe the overall trend is positive or negative based on the arguments you presented.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure, but the progression of ideas is somewhat disjointed. The introduction includes a personal anecdote ('When I go for a walk...') which is generally discouraged in academic writing; instead, focus on a general overview of the trend. While you use some cohesive devices like 'However', 'Also', and 'In conclusion', they are used somewhat repetitively. To improve, try to use a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next by using more sophisticated transitional phrases.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite basic and repetitive (e.g., using 'girls', 'people', and 'appearance' frequently). There is a lack of academic precision. For instance, instead of 'huge impact', you could use 'profound influence', and instead of 'negative sides of their beauty', you might say 'perceived physical imperfections'. Aim to use more collocations and topic-specific vocabulary related to psychology and aesthetics to demonstrate a higher level of lexical control. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that affect the smoothness of the reading experience. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'people who has troubles' should be 'people who have troubles'), missing articles (e.g., 'depends on clinic' should be 'depends on the clinic'), and spelling errors ('reabilitation'). Additionally, sentence structures are mostly simple. To improve, practice using complex sentence structures such as relative clauses and conditional sentences, and ensure that you proofread for basic agreement and article errors.

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Band 5+: An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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