Discussion

Band 5+: Around the world, many animal species become extint every year. Some people say that countries and individuals must try to solve this problem. Others, however, believe it is more important to concentrate on the problems of human beings than on those concerning animals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Due to the increase in the number of several animal species being at the verge of extinction. Some countries argue that the residents and the governments should protect these animals from dying. Whereas, other believe that humans should concentrate more on their personal problems rather than helping them. However, In my view the countries and their citizens should take initiative to protect these animal species around the world.

The primary reason for the extinction of these animal species is the increasing human population and their needs. Humans are continously destroying the natural habitat of these animals in order to get more land to use it for housing and building other facilities. Therefore, as humans it is our responsibility to protect these animal species as animals and plants together make up half of our enviornment, and without them the ecological balance of the Earth would be disturbed. In addition, the Earth does not solely belong to humans and every creature on this plantet holds equal right towards it. For example: Chipkoo movement held in india was one of the greatest examples of protecting nature, in this movement the local people protested againts the authorities to save a forest from getting cut down by hugging the tress and not leaving untill the forest was saved. This led to saving a forest from destruction and also protecting the animals from getting abandoned from their habitat.

Conversly, some argue that human beings should focus more on their problems. This thinking can also be benefical in terms of human life as with such busy schedules people don’t even have time for themselves and their families. So, carving out time and energy for protesting and saving these animals can be exhausting. Also, with the incresing population human needs have also increased such as more land and resources are required in order to fulfil our needs. Hence, it can be good to concentate on personal problems.

Nevertheless, I would like to conclude that as humans it is our duty to help and save these animals from verge of extinction, as they are also a part of our ecology and the enviornment.

Word Count: 354

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

these: 7

animals: 6

their: 6

humans: 5

animal: 4

species: 4

should: 4

human: 4

extinction: 3

protect: 3

needs: 3

forest: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly presented both viewpoints and provided a personal opinion. The position is consistent throughout the response. The use of the Chipko movement as an example is a strong way to support your argument regarding environmental protection. To improve, ensure that the development of the 'human problems' viewpoint is more substantial. While you mentioned busy schedules and resource needs, expanding on specific human crises (such as poverty, disease, or famine) would create a more balanced discussion. Additionally, work on grammatical precision; there are several sentence fragments and punctuation errors in the introduction (e.g., 'Due to the increase... extinction.' is not a complete sentence) that affect the flow of your writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, there are significant issues with sentence fragments and punctuation that disrupt the flow. For example, the first two sentences of the introduction are fragments rather than complete sentences. To improve, ensure that every sentence has a subject and a verb and that conjunctions like 'whereas' are used to connect clauses within a single sentence rather than starting a new one. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices beyond 'In addition' and 'However' would also help the transitions feel more natural.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic and allows the reader to understand the arguments clearly. There is a good attempt at using topic-specific language such as 'ecological balance,' 'natural habitat,' and 'verge of extinction.' However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'enviornment,' 'plantet,' 'concentate,' 'incresing') and some repetitive phrasing. To reach a higher band, focus on increasing the precision of your word choices and ensuring that spelling is accurate throughout the text. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with sentence fragments (incomplete thoughts), subject-verb agreement, and punctuation (e.g., improper capitalization after commas and incorrect use of colons). For instance, the opening sentence is a dependent clause standing alone. To improve, practice constructing complex sentences using subordinating conjunctions correctly and review the rules for sentence boundaries to ensure each thought is a complete, grammatically sound sentence.

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