Opinion

Band 4+: Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Many people content that youngs who are brought up by families who dose not have a large amounts of money can better deal further problems rather the children who are raised by wealthy parents. From my points of view, i strongly egree with the given statement because the young who experience the shorteg of money can better deal with future financial problem in adult life and their mind co-up with and situation.

one the one hand, a person who faced financial problem or do not have enough money in their child hood gain a strong knowledge and scence about handeling the problem rather then who have no money problem because they don’t have the past knowledge about it and get confused and frustrated easily in time of scarcity of money. For instance, a child from africa can better deal with the financial problem and manage his/her family without getting nurves which can be far more tough for a child from the UK becouse of theit prior knowledge they got in the past. as a result they can’t manage the situation and get frustrated and giv up easily.

On the other hand, a person who never faced any financial problem in their childhood has no knowledge about maintaining life through problems and can’t take right descision about nessery and nonnessery things in life. Thus the can fail in their life esily in time when they face any hardship in the adult life.

In conclusion, the children whose family dose not have large amounts of money are better dealing problems in adult life than those of the welthy family.

Word Count: 267

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

money: 6

problem: 6

better: 4

financial: 4

their: 4

knowledge: 4

about: 4

problems: 3

adult: 3

child: 3

family: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position agreeing with the statement. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity and precision. The arguments are repetitive and not sufficiently extended or supported with specific examples. There are numerous spelling and grammatical errors that affect readability. To improve, focus on developing each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples, and ensure the essay is well-structured with clear topic sentences. Additionally, proofread to correct spelling and grammar errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, making the message difficult to follow at times. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'one the one hand' instead of 'on the one hand'). Paragraphing is attempted but not consistently managed, and the development of arguments could be more logical and clear.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more sophisticated words (e.g., 'scence' for 'sense', 'handeling' for 'handling'). There are frequent spelling errors and incorrect word choices (e.g., 'content' instead of 'contend', 'egree' instead of 'agree', 'shorteg' instead of 'shortage', 'co-up' instead of 'cope', 'nurves' instead of 'nerves', 'descision' instead of 'decision', 'nessery' instead of 'necessary', 'welthy' instead of 'wealthy'). These errors significantly affect clarity. To improve, focus on building a wider vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling and word usage. Use more precise and natural expressions to convey ideas effectively. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'families who dose not have'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'can better deal further problems'), and incorrect use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structures are often incomplete or run-on, and punctuation is frequently missing or incorrect. These errors severely impede comprehension. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of tenses. Practice writing clear, simple sentences before attempting more complex structures. Regular proofreading and grammar exercises are recommended.

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